She started moving and bouncing vigorously when iTunes started playing Bach, and I watched in awe and shock as my bump bounced up and down, in and out, and from left to right, and it felt like my insides were being tumble-dried in a washing machine! Sometimes it's hard for me to sleep at night even though I'm really tired - especially when Mambo Night's going full swing in my bump. Nowadays, my conversations are punctuated with occasional starts and winces as I get poked and punched painfully mid-conversation! But I love it. I'm so happy to be pregnant. My feet are swollen and I haven't seen my ankles for weeks, but I love having a baby inside me, and knowing that she's dancing and doing funky stuff. I'm really excited for her to come out, but I like her being inside me too. I'm looking forward to seeing and holding her, but I know that it's much easier when she's safe in my bump with no choice but to go wherever I go! I occasionally look wistfully at all the skinny girls around me, yet I love what pregnancy has done to my body, and I think it's glorious to be growing bigger every day.
Right now, Baby is dancing to Dvorak's Humoreske. She is such a cutie.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Men who do more housework have better sex lives
For the married woman, housework is foreplay!
He who has ears, let him hear!
And if all fails... we can wait for this service to be available locally:
Save Your Home, Get 'Husband For Rent'
:D :D :D
One of my favourite TV shows is "Life Transformers" (Mondays, 8pm, Channel 8) where Quan Yi Fong, Christopher Lee and a group of volunteers help under-privileged households in Singapore. It took just one episode of Christopher Lee cleaning, carrying, painting, and the clincher - scrubbing a filthy toilet floor on his hands and knees - to make all the married women in my office (myself included) fall in love with him!
Forget the tuxedo, cuff links and pressed shirts. A toned, sweaty man deeply focused on scrubbing the floor is the new perfect man!
He who has ears, let him hear!
The Chore Wars
Before having children, most couples find it easier to maintain a neat house and to keep bickering about unmade beds at bay. But having kids means having more clutter to clear, loads of laundry to do, and more meals to make, and it's moms who bear most of the burden: Working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and the care of the children, according to a recent time-use survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Not surprisingly, the housework gender gap is a common source of friction: A recent BabyCenter survey of more than 12,000 readers revealed that 63 percent of couples with children at home argue over cleaning. And nearly half of respondents say they resent having to do more housework, cooking, and laundry than their mates.
Not only do dust bunnies lead to marital dustups, but the responsibility for housework can also have harmful effects on women's health. A study by sociologist Chloe E. Bird published in the March 1999 issue of Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that women who do twice as much housework as their spouses have greater anxiety, depression, and worry. The least depressed people in Bird's study, both male and female, were those who split household duties down the middle.
Are men slackers?
If women are clearly doing more around the house, what are men doing? Guys don't appear to be totally slacking: American men in dual-income families handle a third of shopping and meal preparation. Men do roughly 15 percent of the laundry, and while that may not entitle them to bragging rights, it's an improvement over the measly 2 to 5 percent they did back in 1970. And men today are more involved parents: One in four preschoolers with working moms are watched by their fathers. "In general, men try to compare their contributions to their fathers, and compared they look very good, doing four or five times more than their fathers did," says sociologist Scott Coltrane, author of Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework and Gender Equity.
According to several studies, men with a higher education are more likely to pick up and pitch in. Coltrane suggests that more educated men may be more likely to put women on equal footing and assume a balanced role in the household. Interestingly, research also shows men who delay fathering children until their late 20s or early 30s, move away from the neighborhood they grew up in, and have less frequent contact with their parents, or who have been divorced and remarried, are more likely to do housework. Coltrane points out that these men have had to fend for themselves, so it makes sense that they'd continue to help out.
Still, "compared to their wives and partners, men do a lot less," says Coltrane. He points to a range of explanations for the battle of the sexes on the chore front — from cultural expectations about gender roles, to a greater emphasis on a husband's career if he's the primary breadwinner, to some women's difficulty delegating work. Practically speaking, though, the broom stops with whomever spends more time at home, says Coltrane, and that's usually Mom.
Psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, suggests that men's resistance to housework may start in childhood. From an early age, men are preoccupied with power and status (just look at any boy playing with an action-figure hero), and they may assert their independence by refusing to do something they've been asked to do. And while men feel they look pretty good compared with their fathers, they fail to factor in that their wives are also doing a lot more than their own mothers did, notes Coleman.
Men who do dishes do better in the bedroom
If only men knew what they were missing: Men who do more housework have better sex lives and happier marriages, according to a study by John Gottman, a psychologist who for more than three decades has been researching why relationships succeed or fail. Further research by Gottman suggests that harmony over housework may also yield happier children. His findings reveal that men who do housework frequently have kids who do better socially and academically.
Nine ways to get your partner to do his fair share >>> Full article
Source: babycentre.com
And if all fails... we can wait for this service to be available locally:
Save Your Home, Get 'Husband For Rent'
:D :D :D
One of my favourite TV shows is "Life Transformers" (Mondays, 8pm, Channel 8) where Quan Yi Fong, Christopher Lee and a group of volunteers help under-privileged households in Singapore. It took just one episode of Christopher Lee cleaning, carrying, painting, and the clincher - scrubbing a filthy toilet floor on his hands and knees - to make all the married women in my office (myself included) fall in love with him!
Forget the tuxedo, cuff links and pressed shirts. A toned, sweaty man deeply focused on scrubbing the floor is the new perfect man!Thursday, October 2, 2008
Are we too privileged to be kind?
Taking public transport has become something I now approach with a level of apprehension and uncertainty. I never know whether I might spend the entire journey standing, or whether I might meet with kindness from a stranger. I'm now big enough not to be mistaken for a skinny lady who's had a heavy lunch, but I have had enough experiences standing in front of rows of people pretending to be asleep or engrossed in their newspaper/PSP/mobile phone. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see through them - the sleeping people occasionally peek out but quickly shut their eyes when they see me still standing in front of them. Quite often, they wake up after I leave or after someone else gives me a seat! That's one of the reasons why I want a car!
I have encountered a number of kind people who have offered me their seat. Each time it happens, I thank them and thank God for them, and say a little prayer that they too may experience the same kindness that they have shown. What is most interesting is that the ones who give up seats aren't often the young, able-bodied and privileged majority. More often than not, they are the minorities, the Indians, Filipinos, middle-aged men, and most surprisingly, older Chinese aunties who could be in their 50s or even 60s. It's the young, Chinese men and women in their 20s and 30s who seem to be the most oblivious. But having said that, there was a sweet-faced Chinese lady who let me have her seat on a crowded bus, and after I got off, my mum and I both waved a thank-you-good-bye at her from the bus stop, and she look quite shy!
My highly un-detailed and academically un-rigorous research on the demographic of seat-giving-up people has led me to conclude that empathy and kindness are inextricably linked. Older aunties and married men who might have an inkling of the pregnancy experience are most likely to empathise. Perhaps minorities and foreigners who know what it's like to be in a difficult situation are more likely to look out for people who might need help. Anne-Marie noticed the same thing in London - that it was usually the Asians, Chinese and foreigners who would offer her seats on the train. The phenomenon is old news - it was observed 2000 years ago:
The privileged looked on, but it took a man from Samaria, a race despised by the Jews, to go out of his way to help the wounded man. It is counter intuitive that the privileged, who have more resources to spare, would be less willing to help another.
Sometimes, when I am standing up in front of a whole row of seated young women who are sleeping/reading/chatting and generally avoiding eye contact with me, I tell myself that they might be facing some unknown and unseen difficulty. Perhaps one has terrible period cramps, another might be having the flu, another might have sprained her ankle, and another might be exhausted from a difficult day, and perhaps I might be the most strong and able-bodied of the lot!
It helps me put things into perspective and feel less cynical about human nature, but deep down inside I do feel a bit sad about this. I don't want Baby to grow up in such an environment and with such a worldview. I want to be able to teach her empathy and kindness and awareness. But before I can do that, I must first become a better person. Nothing prepares you for parenthood - there are no courses, curriculum, or tuition classes. Most people just learn on the job. My prayer is that God will guide Panliang and I to be loving, humble and nurturing parents. Perhaps this awareness is the first step.
We tried it the other day. I must confess that I am among those who do not usually clear food bowls and trays after a meal at food courts or hawker centres, especially if there are cleaners in sight. Two days ago, Panliang and I decided to carry our used tray to the cleaning station, and the look of surprise, gladness and gratitude on the cleaners' faces struck me. They were not young, probably not earning a lot, possibly holding two jobs to support their families, facing callous customers who do not thank them for cleaning the tables, probably tired, and one would not describe them as brimming with life, hope or optimism. I realised that if a tiny, meaningless and effortless gesture could bring just a bit of joy and renewed faith in kindness in the world, it was worth it.
Another gripe I have is when a bus driver waits patiently for someone who is running for the bus, and when the person finally boards the bus, she heaves a sigh of relief and triumphantly takes a seat, with no sign of acknowledgement or gratitude to the bus driver. The mindset is "I caught the bus!", as if the bus was a machine-operated entity, and not "The bus driver waited patiently for me, even though I was 400m away!" I think bus drivers are often unseen, unappreciated and ignored, and I try to make it a point to smile or greet them when I board. It might be the first smile they've seen all day.
I wonder if it's a Singaporean thing. Non-Singaporeans in general seem to be more civil and (much as this word is overused in government campaigns) gracious than Singaporeans. A few years ago, I was in London and taking a bus by myself to Heathrow airport. I had a medium-sized luggage but I was confident I could handle it alone. When I boarded the bus and hoisted my luggage up the steps, it felt surprisingly light, and I turned around to find that an elderly black gentleman had, unasked, hoisted the luggage up the steps for me. Pleasantly surprised, I thanked him and proceeded up the bus, heading towards the empty seats at the back. There were men on both sides of the aisle, sitting on the outer seats with their legs wide open (why do men always sit like that?!) and their long legs blocking the aisle. As soon as they saw me coming with my luggage, they all sat properly and pulled in their legs in unison, clearing the pathway. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. It was quite a funny sight but I was impressed by their awareness and initiative. I imagine that if it was in Singapore, there would have to be a lot of shuffling and "Excuse me! Sorry! Excuse me! Excuse me please!" before one could get up a bus!
Ministor Mentor Lee Kuan Yew believes a gracious Singapore will not happen in his lifetime: "I will not see it, maybe you will live long enough to see it; I wish you well."
That probably sums up what we all believe, but if we don't like the thought of this, we can just try harder. After all, if a tiny gesture can put a smile on someone's face, then, why not?
I have encountered a number of kind people who have offered me their seat. Each time it happens, I thank them and thank God for them, and say a little prayer that they too may experience the same kindness that they have shown. What is most interesting is that the ones who give up seats aren't often the young, able-bodied and privileged majority. More often than not, they are the minorities, the Indians, Filipinos, middle-aged men, and most surprisingly, older Chinese aunties who could be in their 50s or even 60s. It's the young, Chinese men and women in their 20s and 30s who seem to be the most oblivious. But having said that, there was a sweet-faced Chinese lady who let me have her seat on a crowded bus, and after I got off, my mum and I both waved a thank-you-good-bye at her from the bus stop, and she look quite shy!
My highly un-detailed and academically un-rigorous research on the demographic of seat-giving-up people has led me to conclude that empathy and kindness are inextricably linked. Older aunties and married men who might have an inkling of the pregnancy experience are most likely to empathise. Perhaps minorities and foreigners who know what it's like to be in a difficult situation are more likely to look out for people who might need help. Anne-Marie noticed the same thing in London - that it was usually the Asians, Chinese and foreigners who would offer her seats on the train. The phenomenon is old news - it was observed 2000 years ago:
25 And now a lawyer stood up and, to test him, asked, 'Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?' 26 He said to him, 'What is written in the Law? What is your reading of it?' 27 He replied, 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself.' 28 Jesus said to him, 'You have answered right, do this and life is yours.' 29 But the man was anxious to justify himself and said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbour?'
30 In answer Jesus said, 'A man was once on his way down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell into the hands of bandits; they stripped him, beat him and then made off, leaving him half dead. 31 Now a priest happened to be travelling down the same road, but when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 In the same way a Levite who came to the place saw him, and passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan traveller who came on him was moved with compassion when he saw him. 34 He went up to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them. He then lifted him onto his own mount and took him to an inn and looked after him. 35 Next day, he took out two denarii and handed them to the innkeeper and said, "Look after him, and on my way back I will make good any extra expense you have." 36 Which of these three, do you think, proved himself a neighbour to the man who fell into the bandits' hands?' 37 He replied, 'The one who showed pity towards him.' Jesus said to him, 'Go, and do the same yourself.'
Gospel of Luke 10:25–37
The privileged looked on, but it took a man from Samaria, a race despised by the Jews, to go out of his way to help the wounded man. It is counter intuitive that the privileged, who have more resources to spare, would be less willing to help another.
Sometimes, when I am standing up in front of a whole row of seated young women who are sleeping/reading/chatting and generally avoiding eye contact with me, I tell myself that they might be facing some unknown and unseen difficulty. Perhaps one has terrible period cramps, another might be having the flu, another might have sprained her ankle, and another might be exhausted from a difficult day, and perhaps I might be the most strong and able-bodied of the lot!
It helps me put things into perspective and feel less cynical about human nature, but deep down inside I do feel a bit sad about this. I don't want Baby to grow up in such an environment and with such a worldview. I want to be able to teach her empathy and kindness and awareness. But before I can do that, I must first become a better person. Nothing prepares you for parenthood - there are no courses, curriculum, or tuition classes. Most people just learn on the job. My prayer is that God will guide Panliang and I to be loving, humble and nurturing parents. Perhaps this awareness is the first step.
We tried it the other day. I must confess that I am among those who do not usually clear food bowls and trays after a meal at food courts or hawker centres, especially if there are cleaners in sight. Two days ago, Panliang and I decided to carry our used tray to the cleaning station, and the look of surprise, gladness and gratitude on the cleaners' faces struck me. They were not young, probably not earning a lot, possibly holding two jobs to support their families, facing callous customers who do not thank them for cleaning the tables, probably tired, and one would not describe them as brimming with life, hope or optimism. I realised that if a tiny, meaningless and effortless gesture could bring just a bit of joy and renewed faith in kindness in the world, it was worth it.
Another gripe I have is when a bus driver waits patiently for someone who is running for the bus, and when the person finally boards the bus, she heaves a sigh of relief and triumphantly takes a seat, with no sign of acknowledgement or gratitude to the bus driver. The mindset is "I caught the bus!", as if the bus was a machine-operated entity, and not "The bus driver waited patiently for me, even though I was 400m away!" I think bus drivers are often unseen, unappreciated and ignored, and I try to make it a point to smile or greet them when I board. It might be the first smile they've seen all day.
I wonder if it's a Singaporean thing. Non-Singaporeans in general seem to be more civil and (much as this word is overused in government campaigns) gracious than Singaporeans. A few years ago, I was in London and taking a bus by myself to Heathrow airport. I had a medium-sized luggage but I was confident I could handle it alone. When I boarded the bus and hoisted my luggage up the steps, it felt surprisingly light, and I turned around to find that an elderly black gentleman had, unasked, hoisted the luggage up the steps for me. Pleasantly surprised, I thanked him and proceeded up the bus, heading towards the empty seats at the back. There were men on both sides of the aisle, sitting on the outer seats with their legs wide open (why do men always sit like that?!) and their long legs blocking the aisle. As soon as they saw me coming with my luggage, they all sat properly and pulled in their legs in unison, clearing the pathway. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. It was quite a funny sight but I was impressed by their awareness and initiative. I imagine that if it was in Singapore, there would have to be a lot of shuffling and "Excuse me! Sorry! Excuse me! Excuse me please!" before one could get up a bus!
Ministor Mentor Lee Kuan Yew believes a gracious Singapore will not happen in his lifetime: "I will not see it, maybe you will live long enough to see it; I wish you well."
That probably sums up what we all believe, but if we don't like the thought of this, we can just try harder. After all, if a tiny gesture can put a smile on someone's face, then, why not?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thank you!
I am very thankful. My mum went for her 1st chemo session today. The results were tremendous. The biggest tumor on her left chest has gone down a lot and her pain is relieved. I was so happy to see her joyful face after the chemo, and after it was done, she was even dancing slightly as she felt more comfortable.
I am also thankful that the medical fees that my family needs to shoulder by ourselves is reduced by half due to Medisave, Medishield, renting out rooms, and a subsidy from the drug distributor.
Although there is still half of the amount our family needs to shoulder, this is a big testament of God working to tell me that He is in control and that He will provide.
The most touching of all, my dad, whom some of you know as always very reserved and quiet, told all of us that once he gets his CPF monies next year, he will return all that we paid as he wants to shoulder the whole medical bill. To me, this is God's answer that He will take care of the bill. More beautifully, it has drawn out the caring side of my dad which we had almost forgotten existed. This incident has drawn each and everyone of us closer and more loving to one another. You know what I see? I see how God can turn a dark, difficult situation into one that is filled with hope, light and love. I see the cross of Christ being lifted and the finished work of Christ.
Thank you God for all.
I am also thankful that the medical fees that my family needs to shoulder by ourselves is reduced by half due to Medisave, Medishield, renting out rooms, and a subsidy from the drug distributor.
Although there is still half of the amount our family needs to shoulder, this is a big testament of God working to tell me that He is in control and that He will provide.
The most touching of all, my dad, whom some of you know as always very reserved and quiet, told all of us that once he gets his CPF monies next year, he will return all that we paid as he wants to shoulder the whole medical bill. To me, this is God's answer that He will take care of the bill. More beautifully, it has drawn out the caring side of my dad which we had almost forgotten existed. This incident has drawn each and everyone of us closer and more loving to one another. You know what I see? I see how God can turn a dark, difficult situation into one that is filled with hope, light and love. I see the cross of Christ being lifted and the finished work of Christ.
Thank you God for all.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Is cuteness intrinsic?
One of the big differences between Panliang and I is that (if you haven't already noticed) I have a great love for all sorts of animals, with the exception of lizards, cockroaches and nasty bugs. When I was 5 or 6, I used to comb through encyclopedias and read up about pets and wildlife; I love animal documentaries; I'm happy to get up close and personal with animals like snakes and stray dogs that most people would keep a mile from; and I nearly became an animal show presenter at the zoo (but the pay would hardly sustain our mortgage) !
As for Panliang, if I may quote his best man Yunjian's speech at our wedding, "he basically doesn't like anything furrier than him." Not cats, dogs, hamsters, nothing. But somehow, Darcy managed to convert him. Just before we got together, Panliang came over one evening to watch a movie, and Darcy promptly snuggled up to him and fell asleep on his lap. That impressed me no end. Since then, Panliang has been a furry animal convert, but one mammal he still abhors is the rat, and he absolutely can't understand why I get excited and try to look closer whenever we see one.
I found this really cute picture of a mummy and baby otter. The picture always makes me laugh and recall a conversation with Panliang that has been etched it my memory ever since.
Serene: (clicking open the picture on the computer screen) Don't you think this is cute?
Panliang stares silently at the screen for some time.
Panliang: (suspiciously, with a hint of disgust, never taking his eyes of the screen) Is it a RAT?
Serene: Of course not! It's an otter!
Panliang: (greatly relieved) Oh ok. Then it's cute.
Serene: (incredulously) You mean if I said it was a rat, it wouldn't be cute?
Panliang: Yes.
Serene: Isn't cuteness intrinsic? If it's cute, it's cute, whether or not it's a rat!
Panliang: No. If it was it was a rat, it won't be cute. But it's not a rat, so it's cute.
* * * * *
Perhaps cuteness is psychologically determined and not intrinsic to the object. The Beijing Olympics little girl is cute until you find out she's a fake. Stray cats are cute until your parents tell you they're dirty. People are normal until they become your boyfriend or girlfriend, after which, they become cute. Should the relationship fail, they lose their Cute Status, and what was once cute now annoys.
Perhaps the same logic applies to parents and babies. Objectively speaking, newborn infants are not at their most attractive (this web link is not for the faint-hearted). They are often dark, wrinkly and have scrunched-up eyes, but somehow they awaken lots of little love hearts in their parents. To the casual observer, all baby ultrasound scans look the same, and perhaps some might say that all Chinese babies look the same at birth, but I have no doubt Panliang and I will find Baby the cutest creature we have ever seen, even if we don't feel the same way about other newborn babies. She'll be cute just because she's our baby.
As for Panliang, if I may quote his best man Yunjian's speech at our wedding, "he basically doesn't like anything furrier than him." Not cats, dogs, hamsters, nothing. But somehow, Darcy managed to convert him. Just before we got together, Panliang came over one evening to watch a movie, and Darcy promptly snuggled up to him and fell asleep on his lap. That impressed me no end. Since then, Panliang has been a furry animal convert, but one mammal he still abhors is the rat, and he absolutely can't understand why I get excited and try to look closer whenever we see one.
I found this really cute picture of a mummy and baby otter. The picture always makes me laugh and recall a conversation with Panliang that has been etched it my memory ever since.
Serene: (clicking open the picture on the computer screen) Don't you think this is cute?
Panliang stares silently at the screen for some time.
Panliang: (suspiciously, with a hint of disgust, never taking his eyes of the screen) Is it a RAT?
Serene: Of course not! It's an otter!
Panliang: (greatly relieved) Oh ok. Then it's cute.
Serene: (incredulously) You mean if I said it was a rat, it wouldn't be cute?
Panliang: Yes.
Serene: Isn't cuteness intrinsic? If it's cute, it's cute, whether or not it's a rat!
Panliang: No. If it was it was a rat, it won't be cute. But it's not a rat, so it's cute.
* * * * *
Perhaps cuteness is psychologically determined and not intrinsic to the object. The Beijing Olympics little girl is cute until you find out she's a fake. Stray cats are cute until your parents tell you they're dirty. People are normal until they become your boyfriend or girlfriend, after which, they become cute. Should the relationship fail, they lose their Cute Status, and what was once cute now annoys.
Perhaps the same logic applies to parents and babies. Objectively speaking, newborn infants are not at their most attractive (this web link is not for the faint-hearted). They are often dark, wrinkly and have scrunched-up eyes, but somehow they awaken lots of little love hearts in their parents. To the casual observer, all baby ultrasound scans look the same, and perhaps some might say that all Chinese babies look the same at birth, but I have no doubt Panliang and I will find Baby the cutest creature we have ever seen, even if we don't feel the same way about other newborn babies. She'll be cute just because she's our baby.
Friday, September 19, 2008
But God - Who Speaks
I feel a need to update all you kind folks who have been praying for me and Serene. This journey of mine started from February this year. In February , I felt a sense that God wants to reveal His plans to me of where He wants to place me to serve/ work for my next step.
As such, Serene and myself signed up for our church's Korea trip to find answers. Baby came and we did not go for the trip. However, I still sensed that God wants to reveal my next step to me despite not being able to go Korea.
Interestingly my worship pastor told us to pray and focus on "Who Am I" to seek what God's plans are for each of us. This was an affirmation that what I felt from God was right.
August came and I felt that my life was going to be very stretched and challenging. I was prompted by God to read the book of Job. A verse jumped out to me and remains clearly in my mind - when Job's whole body had sores all over and his wife asked him to curse God and die. Job answered, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" That really struck me because I had heard a audio program on prayer and it mentioned that many folks pray to ask God to bless their plans, health and make their life easy. Unknowingly, God has become a means/tool to fulfill their own desires. The program proposed that prayer is a time for us to put down our own wishes and align our will to God's. Perhaps God might not heal the illness or take us away from a bad situation. In times like this, I was reminded that we cannot let external circumstances dictate how we perceive God who is love. The truth is that He has given us His Son to die for us, bringing us grace and freedom. This changed my view of prayer which is to seek God and align our thoughts to His.
September came and I had to leave for Jo'burg. It was not easy for me to leave that night as Serene was sobbing badly and I could not really bear to leave her and baby. I lost my handphone on the day I was supposed to leave. My mum's tumors came back. My world seem to crumble within and around me. Felt very tired and weak to leave that night. Felt like just giving up and staying. Serene and I prayed and God told us that this trip would help to build Serene stronger and more independent to care for herself and baby. My being away would help her to draw on her inner strength to care for herself and baby. God also reminded that our love is sustained not just with having a phone to sms each other. That our love is strong enough to withstand not even being able to have modern communication means like a handphone.
I was extremely sad on my journey to Jo'burg. I was tearing on the taxi on the plane. Images of Serene tearing kept replaying in my mind and making me sad. God spoke again and told me that this trip would make my love for Him and people increase. Serving God should help us love Him and people more. I understood that on my travel to Jo'burg as I had to put aside my family to Africa, planning for projects aimed at bringing help and care to people who are suffering from HIV/ AIDs, hopelessness, crying out for help day and night. I had to learn to love them more because God loves each one of them as much as I love Serene and baby, if not more. It was a difficult lesson for me to learn and go through.
I managed to get an auto-roam prepaid card and tap "illegally" on the wifi in my service apartment in Jo'burg. I was able to talk to Serene on the phone line, skype, sms which I thought would not be possible. These might appear to be small things but it meant so much to me when I thought I had lost the basic means to sms Serene with my handphone being lost. BTW the taxi driver returned my handphone when I came back.
Africa was amazing as well, as my earlier post talked about the preacher who spoke about how we can hold on during the most difficult of times. I am really getting a sense that God does speak in real way to me.
Came back to Singapore. Had to bring my mum to get her biopsy results and have my blood test to see if my precious baby is perfectly healthy. For those who know me, I am the squeamish type who might faint at the sight of needles and blood. It was on Monday. Tuesday I had to meet my boss because he kept pressuring me to travel more as I take on a leadership role in my organisation. He also was not very happy with my team, thinking that we did not do the work he told us to do. I began this week with much fear and stress of my blood test, my mum's biopsy results and to face my boss to talk to him.
On my way to the hospital on Mon, God spoke again, saying, "If I am with you, what more is there for you to fear?" When I met my mum, I asked her what God said to her and interestingly, she said God told her "not to fear". To me, this simple thing gave my much courage to face the blood test and my mum's doctor. I was thinking of this verse and the sweet you tube video that Cheryl sent to me and Serene of this 4-year-old girl singing "Somewhere Out There". I imagined it was my baby who would be doing this and I didn't mind facing my own fear just to know that she will be well and healthy.
Last lesson for me came on Thursday where we had a workshop on managing change. Gist of training focussed on us needing to know our core value and identity so that we can face external pressure with ease. Christ knew his purpose on earth and nothing wavered him. I knew this was the journey God has started for me. On Thursday evening, my senior pastor smsed me to wished me happy birthday and told me to pray for my own destiny. He mentioned that God prompted him to tell me this and that this "shaking" period of mine would last till next year May. I was happy and also bit tired to know that. Happy as it affirms my sense that I am to really find my core identity and calling in life. Once I find this, I am sure that my boss' incessant pressure will not push me and make me stressed and make me bend to his demands.
My shaking period is still happening, now needing to care for my beloved mum and needing to be strong. I am glad I have 'but God' who has given me His presence, His words, joy and peace. What a ride!
As such, Serene and myself signed up for our church's Korea trip to find answers. Baby came and we did not go for the trip. However, I still sensed that God wants to reveal my next step to me despite not being able to go Korea.
Interestingly my worship pastor told us to pray and focus on "Who Am I" to seek what God's plans are for each of us. This was an affirmation that what I felt from God was right.
August came and I felt that my life was going to be very stretched and challenging. I was prompted by God to read the book of Job. A verse jumped out to me and remains clearly in my mind - when Job's whole body had sores all over and his wife asked him to curse God and die. Job answered, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" That really struck me because I had heard a audio program on prayer and it mentioned that many folks pray to ask God to bless their plans, health and make their life easy. Unknowingly, God has become a means/tool to fulfill their own desires. The program proposed that prayer is a time for us to put down our own wishes and align our will to God's. Perhaps God might not heal the illness or take us away from a bad situation. In times like this, I was reminded that we cannot let external circumstances dictate how we perceive God who is love. The truth is that He has given us His Son to die for us, bringing us grace and freedom. This changed my view of prayer which is to seek God and align our thoughts to His.
September came and I had to leave for Jo'burg. It was not easy for me to leave that night as Serene was sobbing badly and I could not really bear to leave her and baby. I lost my handphone on the day I was supposed to leave. My mum's tumors came back. My world seem to crumble within and around me. Felt very tired and weak to leave that night. Felt like just giving up and staying. Serene and I prayed and God told us that this trip would help to build Serene stronger and more independent to care for herself and baby. My being away would help her to draw on her inner strength to care for herself and baby. God also reminded that our love is sustained not just with having a phone to sms each other. That our love is strong enough to withstand not even being able to have modern communication means like a handphone.
I was extremely sad on my journey to Jo'burg. I was tearing on the taxi on the plane. Images of Serene tearing kept replaying in my mind and making me sad. God spoke again and told me that this trip would make my love for Him and people increase. Serving God should help us love Him and people more. I understood that on my travel to Jo'burg as I had to put aside my family to Africa, planning for projects aimed at bringing help and care to people who are suffering from HIV/ AIDs, hopelessness, crying out for help day and night. I had to learn to love them more because God loves each one of them as much as I love Serene and baby, if not more. It was a difficult lesson for me to learn and go through.
I managed to get an auto-roam prepaid card and tap "illegally" on the wifi in my service apartment in Jo'burg. I was able to talk to Serene on the phone line, skype, sms which I thought would not be possible. These might appear to be small things but it meant so much to me when I thought I had lost the basic means to sms Serene with my handphone being lost. BTW the taxi driver returned my handphone when I came back.
Africa was amazing as well, as my earlier post talked about the preacher who spoke about how we can hold on during the most difficult of times. I am really getting a sense that God does speak in real way to me.
Came back to Singapore. Had to bring my mum to get her biopsy results and have my blood test to see if my precious baby is perfectly healthy. For those who know me, I am the squeamish type who might faint at the sight of needles and blood. It was on Monday. Tuesday I had to meet my boss because he kept pressuring me to travel more as I take on a leadership role in my organisation. He also was not very happy with my team, thinking that we did not do the work he told us to do. I began this week with much fear and stress of my blood test, my mum's biopsy results and to face my boss to talk to him.
On my way to the hospital on Mon, God spoke again, saying, "If I am with you, what more is there for you to fear?" When I met my mum, I asked her what God said to her and interestingly, she said God told her "not to fear". To me, this simple thing gave my much courage to face the blood test and my mum's doctor. I was thinking of this verse and the sweet you tube video that Cheryl sent to me and Serene of this 4-year-old girl singing "Somewhere Out There". I imagined it was my baby who would be doing this and I didn't mind facing my own fear just to know that she will be well and healthy.
Last lesson for me came on Thursday where we had a workshop on managing change. Gist of training focussed on us needing to know our core value and identity so that we can face external pressure with ease. Christ knew his purpose on earth and nothing wavered him. I knew this was the journey God has started for me. On Thursday evening, my senior pastor smsed me to wished me happy birthday and told me to pray for my own destiny. He mentioned that God prompted him to tell me this and that this "shaking" period of mine would last till next year May. I was happy and also bit tired to know that. Happy as it affirms my sense that I am to really find my core identity and calling in life. Once I find this, I am sure that my boss' incessant pressure will not push me and make me stressed and make me bend to his demands.
My shaking period is still happening, now needing to care for my beloved mum and needing to be strong. I am glad I have 'but God' who has given me His presence, His words, joy and peace. What a ride!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Nice people
Someone gave up his seat for the train today. A non-chinese man, of course. So far, the only strangers who have given way to me and my little bump have been non-chinese. Perhaps Chinese people are more afraid of causing offence in case the lady turns out not to be pregnant!
I am still really grateful and touched each time it happens. Until recently, I have never known what it was like to feel heavy, nauseated, tired, have a headache, aching shoulders, and walk on swollen feet - into a crowded train at Raffles Place MRT and watch with exhausted dismay all the orange seats rapidly being filled up. Mine is just a mini bump but it still is very uncomfortable to stand for long periods of time on feet that are pretending to be puffer fish.
I've taken to choosing longer travel routes where I'm more likely to get seats. I've had to stand the whole journey on the bus to and from Orchard and Upper Thomson on several occasions, and that left me exhausted and with an aching bump after that. Just the thought of going through that is enough to justify all the cab rides in the world!
Before Panliang left for South Africa, I was a bit apprehensive about how I would cope with baby by myself. It's not too bad when baby's still inside me, but I started to think about what would happen if Panliang was away and baby was ill and crying, and if I was unwell too and overcome with exhaustion with no one to turn to for help...
When I was down with the flu, I told God that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope by myself and that there would be no one to help or look after me. And I heard a gentle voice that was not my own which told me - There will always be someone to take care of you. Somehow, I was comforted, strengthened and filled with joy and a sense of peace, and I knew inside that it would be alright.
And these few days, I have met with nothing but kindness. My family has been loving and supportive, buying food for me, doing things for me and spending time with me. My friends have been absolutely lovely, showing lots of concern, encouraging me, bringing me shopping, to church, helping me carry things, giving me lifts, killing cockroaches for me, and generally helping me to realise that there are people out there who love and care, and that I don't have to be superwoman and do everything by myself.
I was originally prepared to do everything myself, to move, carry, do, buy, make, clean, fix, whatever - even if it meant using up every ounce of strength and energy I had. This pregnancy has changed all that. I suddenly can't do all these things as well and as fast as I could previously. I'm suddenly not as strong, flexible, agile, and energetic as I was, and I have to depend on God and the kindness of others. It's very humbling, but at the same time, very uplifting to be the unworthy recipient of so much kindness. To all of you who have blessed our lives - Thank You.
I am still really grateful and touched each time it happens. Until recently, I have never known what it was like to feel heavy, nauseated, tired, have a headache, aching shoulders, and walk on swollen feet - into a crowded train at Raffles Place MRT and watch with exhausted dismay all the orange seats rapidly being filled up. Mine is just a mini bump but it still is very uncomfortable to stand for long periods of time on feet that are pretending to be puffer fish.
I've taken to choosing longer travel routes where I'm more likely to get seats. I've had to stand the whole journey on the bus to and from Orchard and Upper Thomson on several occasions, and that left me exhausted and with an aching bump after that. Just the thought of going through that is enough to justify all the cab rides in the world!
Before Panliang left for South Africa, I was a bit apprehensive about how I would cope with baby by myself. It's not too bad when baby's still inside me, but I started to think about what would happen if Panliang was away and baby was ill and crying, and if I was unwell too and overcome with exhaustion with no one to turn to for help...
When I was down with the flu, I told God that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope by myself and that there would be no one to help or look after me. And I heard a gentle voice that was not my own which told me - There will always be someone to take care of you. Somehow, I was comforted, strengthened and filled with joy and a sense of peace, and I knew inside that it would be alright.
And these few days, I have met with nothing but kindness. My family has been loving and supportive, buying food for me, doing things for me and spending time with me. My friends have been absolutely lovely, showing lots of concern, encouraging me, bringing me shopping, to church, helping me carry things, giving me lifts, killing cockroaches for me, and generally helping me to realise that there are people out there who love and care, and that I don't have to be superwoman and do everything by myself.
I was originally prepared to do everything myself, to move, carry, do, buy, make, clean, fix, whatever - even if it meant using up every ounce of strength and energy I had. This pregnancy has changed all that. I suddenly can't do all these things as well and as fast as I could previously. I'm suddenly not as strong, flexible, agile, and energetic as I was, and I have to depend on God and the kindness of others. It's very humbling, but at the same time, very uplifting to be the unworthy recipient of so much kindness. To all of you who have blessed our lives - Thank You.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Why blog?
I am surprised at myself for constantly wanting to blog when I am alone overseas. It's very difficult for me to publish a post when I am back in Singapore, you can ask Serene :)
Perhaps, in times of solitude when you are faced with your thoughts, you have a big desire to share them with people. Telling them where you are, what you see. This is definitely the relational aspect of people, wanting to communicate and connect.
So happy to hear that Serene's tummy is getting bigger each day. Can't wait to go back to see it and touch it. Thank God that baby is growing each day! :)
Perhaps, in times of solitude when you are faced with your thoughts, you have a big desire to share them with people. Telling them where you are, what you see. This is definitely the relational aspect of people, wanting to communicate and connect.
So happy to hear that Serene's tummy is getting bigger each day. Can't wait to go back to see it and touch it. Thank God that baby is growing each day! :)
But God.
Went to a South African church today. It was more like a western-style church with drums and contemporary music.
Was reminded today of the mission that Christ had when he came to earth almost 2000 years ago. His was a mission where he went down, and down and down and took all our sins. Very different when you think that today, we need to go up and be the very top.
In church, there's a sense that everyone has some sort of trial or affliction. Not hard to imagine when you live in the most dangerous city in the world where almost everyone had been robbed at least once.
Good thing the pastor did not try to offer any answer or solution as to why some very bad things happen to good people. Guess it happens regardless if you are a believer or not.
One thing he said that made sense to me is that through it all, the trials and afflictions, there is but God. Am still chewing on this in my mind. I am sure it was difficult for Jesus before he was crucified. We saw how he struggled greatly in the garden of Gethsemane. God was with Him and eventually, something so wrong and terrible like crucifixion could become a symbol of great hope for people today.
Was reminded today of the mission that Christ had when he came to earth almost 2000 years ago. His was a mission where he went down, and down and down and took all our sins. Very different when you think that today, we need to go up and be the very top.
In church, there's a sense that everyone has some sort of trial or affliction. Not hard to imagine when you live in the most dangerous city in the world where almost everyone had been robbed at least once.
Good thing the pastor did not try to offer any answer or solution as to why some very bad things happen to good people. Guess it happens regardless if you are a believer or not.
One thing he said that made sense to me is that through it all, the trials and afflictions, there is but God. Am still chewing on this in my mind. I am sure it was difficult for Jesus before he was crucified. We saw how he struggled greatly in the garden of Gethsemane. God was with Him and eventually, something so wrong and terrible like crucifixion could become a symbol of great hope for people today.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Mood Swings
I had a technically nice day today. Early morning, driving lesson, vacuuming the house, lunch at a restaurant at Great World City with mum, Theresa and Minghui, followed (yes, immediately) by lovely tea with scones and brownies at The Eclectic Attic @ Plaza Singapura, a bit of shopping, then dinner at Panliang's parents' place.
Now I just feel irritable , like the world owes me something big. I didn't sleep well despite being tired last night, I can't eat well despite being hungry, and I just feel tired and lethargic. I just want to curl up on the sofa with a book, but I figure that going out is probably good for me. New spots appearing on the face (due to hormones and beef cravings) doesn't improve one's mood either. Panliang's been a brick. Immeasurably patient, empathetic, sayanging me when I'm grouchy, pampering me, preparing food for me at strange hours of the day while I watch YouTube videos of Jack Russells hunting snakes and catching fish, playing his saxophone and jazz improvisations less (which is a major sacrifice), and keeping the house neat and tidy and up to my anal standards (like pressing the soap dispenser before wetting his hands so the water doesn't drip outside the sink). I must be quite a horror to live and dine with, but Panliang has risen above himself and pumped in enough strength and cheer for the both of us. I have renewed respect for him and I can see him becoming a more of a dad each day.
Thinking about this makes me thankful and I realise I have been blessed in many ways. This first trimester is no honeymoon (it's like a very very very long turbulent plane ride) but I wouldn't trade it for anything. They say the second trimester gets better and the nausea and appetite loss goes away. That would be nice.
Late night entertainment while having my midnight snacks
Now I just feel irritable , like the world owes me something big. I didn't sleep well despite being tired last night, I can't eat well despite being hungry, and I just feel tired and lethargic. I just want to curl up on the sofa with a book, but I figure that going out is probably good for me. New spots appearing on the face (due to hormones and beef cravings) doesn't improve one's mood either. Panliang's been a brick. Immeasurably patient, empathetic, sayanging me when I'm grouchy, pampering me, preparing food for me at strange hours of the day while I watch YouTube videos of Jack Russells hunting snakes and catching fish, playing his saxophone and jazz improvisations less (which is a major sacrifice), and keeping the house neat and tidy and up to my anal standards (like pressing the soap dispenser before wetting his hands so the water doesn't drip outside the sink). I must be quite a horror to live and dine with, but Panliang has risen above himself and pumped in enough strength and cheer for the both of us. I have renewed respect for him and I can see him becoming a more of a dad each day.
Thinking about this makes me thankful and I realise I have been blessed in many ways. This first trimester is no honeymoon (it's like a very very very long turbulent plane ride) but I wouldn't trade it for anything. They say the second trimester gets better and the nausea and appetite loss goes away. That would be nice.
Late night entertainment while having my midnight snacks
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
9 weeks: The Paddling Baby
The first time I saw the little legs kicking my heart did a flip flop. What had been a baby bean just 2 weeks back now had a recognisable head, arms and little paddling feet. (as if he was diving!) There is something miraculous about having a little life form inside you which is both awe-inspiring and humbling.
Sometimes, when I'm a squashed commuter on a peak-hour train, I look around me at the different shaped, sized and textured people, short people, tall people, fat people, skinny people, people with big hair, people with thinning hair, people with oily faces, people with fresh faces and people with tired faces - and I marvel that every single one of them was at some point a tiny foetus growing in a woman who worried often that the baby might not be healthy, or that she might be unknowingly doing something that might hurt the foetus.It's comforting to hear from other pregnant woman or ex-pregnant woman ('mothers' doesn't quite convey the same meaning) that I'm normal. My imagination wanders and creates the most worrying scenarios in a way it never did before. Mum says it's important to remain cheerful and positive because negative thoughts can send signals, hormones and chemicals through the body which could affect the foetus. (See! Doing something wrong again!). It truly is mind over body, and I'm determined to be happy and optimistic and enjoy this pregnancy, nausea and all. And surround myself and thoughts with happy, nice things and look at cute creatures like Darcy. I heard from a pregnant lady that her parents forbade her to even LOOK at her dog in case the baby came out looking like it - the dog is black, furry and has a flat nose! I am thankful that I have a loving a supportive family on both sides, which makes all this very much easier and happier.
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