I find this video hilarious because it reflects so much of the church culture in US and Singapore. I think we all have had our fair share of this experience :)
So what do you all think - would you frequent this Starbucks outlet?
"Coffee for Thought" :)
What if Starbucks marketed like the church? - A Parable
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Are we too privileged to be kind?
Taking public transport has become something I now approach with a level of apprehension and uncertainty. I never know whether I might spend the entire journey standing, or whether I might meet with kindness from a stranger. I'm now big enough not to be mistaken for a skinny lady who's had a heavy lunch, but I have had enough experiences standing in front of rows of people pretending to be asleep or engrossed in their newspaper/PSP/mobile phone. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see through them - the sleeping people occasionally peek out but quickly shut their eyes when they see me still standing in front of them. Quite often, they wake up after I leave or after someone else gives me a seat! That's one of the reasons why I want a car!
I have encountered a number of kind people who have offered me their seat. Each time it happens, I thank them and thank God for them, and say a little prayer that they too may experience the same kindness that they have shown. What is most interesting is that the ones who give up seats aren't often the young, able-bodied and privileged majority. More often than not, they are the minorities, the Indians, Filipinos, middle-aged men, and most surprisingly, older Chinese aunties who could be in their 50s or even 60s. It's the young, Chinese men and women in their 20s and 30s who seem to be the most oblivious. But having said that, there was a sweet-faced Chinese lady who let me have her seat on a crowded bus, and after I got off, my mum and I both waved a thank-you-good-bye at her from the bus stop, and she look quite shy!
My highly un-detailed and academically un-rigorous research on the demographic of seat-giving-up people has led me to conclude that empathy and kindness are inextricably linked. Older aunties and married men who might have an inkling of the pregnancy experience are most likely to empathise. Perhaps minorities and foreigners who know what it's like to be in a difficult situation are more likely to look out for people who might need help. Anne-Marie noticed the same thing in London - that it was usually the Asians, Chinese and foreigners who would offer her seats on the train. The phenomenon is old news - it was observed 2000 years ago:
The privileged looked on, but it took a man from Samaria, a race despised by the Jews, to go out of his way to help the wounded man. It is counter intuitive that the privileged, who have more resources to spare, would be less willing to help another.
Sometimes, when I am standing up in front of a whole row of seated young women who are sleeping/reading/chatting and generally avoiding eye contact with me, I tell myself that they might be facing some unknown and unseen difficulty. Perhaps one has terrible period cramps, another might be having the flu, another might have sprained her ankle, and another might be exhausted from a difficult day, and perhaps I might be the most strong and able-bodied of the lot!
It helps me put things into perspective and feel less cynical about human nature, but deep down inside I do feel a bit sad about this. I don't want Baby to grow up in such an environment and with such a worldview. I want to be able to teach her empathy and kindness and awareness. But before I can do that, I must first become a better person. Nothing prepares you for parenthood - there are no courses, curriculum, or tuition classes. Most people just learn on the job. My prayer is that God will guide Panliang and I to be loving, humble and nurturing parents. Perhaps this awareness is the first step.
We tried it the other day. I must confess that I am among those who do not usually clear food bowls and trays after a meal at food courts or hawker centres, especially if there are cleaners in sight. Two days ago, Panliang and I decided to carry our used tray to the cleaning station, and the look of surprise, gladness and gratitude on the cleaners' faces struck me. They were not young, probably not earning a lot, possibly holding two jobs to support their families, facing callous customers who do not thank them for cleaning the tables, probably tired, and one would not describe them as brimming with life, hope or optimism. I realised that if a tiny, meaningless and effortless gesture could bring just a bit of joy and renewed faith in kindness in the world, it was worth it.
Another gripe I have is when a bus driver waits patiently for someone who is running for the bus, and when the person finally boards the bus, she heaves a sigh of relief and triumphantly takes a seat, with no sign of acknowledgement or gratitude to the bus driver. The mindset is "I caught the bus!", as if the bus was a machine-operated entity, and not "The bus driver waited patiently for me, even though I was 400m away!" I think bus drivers are often unseen, unappreciated and ignored, and I try to make it a point to smile or greet them when I board. It might be the first smile they've seen all day.
I wonder if it's a Singaporean thing. Non-Singaporeans in general seem to be more civil and (much as this word is overused in government campaigns) gracious than Singaporeans. A few years ago, I was in London and taking a bus by myself to Heathrow airport. I had a medium-sized luggage but I was confident I could handle it alone. When I boarded the bus and hoisted my luggage up the steps, it felt surprisingly light, and I turned around to find that an elderly black gentleman had, unasked, hoisted the luggage up the steps for me. Pleasantly surprised, I thanked him and proceeded up the bus, heading towards the empty seats at the back. There were men on both sides of the aisle, sitting on the outer seats with their legs wide open (why do men always sit like that?!) and their long legs blocking the aisle. As soon as they saw me coming with my luggage, they all sat properly and pulled in their legs in unison, clearing the pathway. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. It was quite a funny sight but I was impressed by their awareness and initiative. I imagine that if it was in Singapore, there would have to be a lot of shuffling and "Excuse me! Sorry! Excuse me! Excuse me please!" before one could get up a bus!
Ministor Mentor Lee Kuan Yew believes a gracious Singapore will not happen in his lifetime: "I will not see it, maybe you will live long enough to see it; I wish you well."
That probably sums up what we all believe, but if we don't like the thought of this, we can just try harder. After all, if a tiny gesture can put a smile on someone's face, then, why not?
I have encountered a number of kind people who have offered me their seat. Each time it happens, I thank them and thank God for them, and say a little prayer that they too may experience the same kindness that they have shown. What is most interesting is that the ones who give up seats aren't often the young, able-bodied and privileged majority. More often than not, they are the minorities, the Indians, Filipinos, middle-aged men, and most surprisingly, older Chinese aunties who could be in their 50s or even 60s. It's the young, Chinese men and women in their 20s and 30s who seem to be the most oblivious. But having said that, there was a sweet-faced Chinese lady who let me have her seat on a crowded bus, and after I got off, my mum and I both waved a thank-you-good-bye at her from the bus stop, and she look quite shy!
My highly un-detailed and academically un-rigorous research on the demographic of seat-giving-up people has led me to conclude that empathy and kindness are inextricably linked. Older aunties and married men who might have an inkling of the pregnancy experience are most likely to empathise. Perhaps minorities and foreigners who know what it's like to be in a difficult situation are more likely to look out for people who might need help. Anne-Marie noticed the same thing in London - that it was usually the Asians, Chinese and foreigners who would offer her seats on the train. The phenomenon is old news - it was observed 2000 years ago:
25 And now a lawyer stood up and, to test him, asked, 'Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?' 26 He said to him, 'What is written in the Law? What is your reading of it?' 27 He replied, 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself.' 28 Jesus said to him, 'You have answered right, do this and life is yours.' 29 But the man was anxious to justify himself and said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbour?'
30 In answer Jesus said, 'A man was once on his way down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell into the hands of bandits; they stripped him, beat him and then made off, leaving him half dead. 31 Now a priest happened to be travelling down the same road, but when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 In the same way a Levite who came to the place saw him, and passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan traveller who came on him was moved with compassion when he saw him. 34 He went up to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them. He then lifted him onto his own mount and took him to an inn and looked after him. 35 Next day, he took out two denarii and handed them to the innkeeper and said, "Look after him, and on my way back I will make good any extra expense you have." 36 Which of these three, do you think, proved himself a neighbour to the man who fell into the bandits' hands?' 37 He replied, 'The one who showed pity towards him.' Jesus said to him, 'Go, and do the same yourself.'
Gospel of Luke 10:25–37
The privileged looked on, but it took a man from Samaria, a race despised by the Jews, to go out of his way to help the wounded man. It is counter intuitive that the privileged, who have more resources to spare, would be less willing to help another.
Sometimes, when I am standing up in front of a whole row of seated young women who are sleeping/reading/chatting and generally avoiding eye contact with me, I tell myself that they might be facing some unknown and unseen difficulty. Perhaps one has terrible period cramps, another might be having the flu, another might have sprained her ankle, and another might be exhausted from a difficult day, and perhaps I might be the most strong and able-bodied of the lot!
It helps me put things into perspective and feel less cynical about human nature, but deep down inside I do feel a bit sad about this. I don't want Baby to grow up in such an environment and with such a worldview. I want to be able to teach her empathy and kindness and awareness. But before I can do that, I must first become a better person. Nothing prepares you for parenthood - there are no courses, curriculum, or tuition classes. Most people just learn on the job. My prayer is that God will guide Panliang and I to be loving, humble and nurturing parents. Perhaps this awareness is the first step.
We tried it the other day. I must confess that I am among those who do not usually clear food bowls and trays after a meal at food courts or hawker centres, especially if there are cleaners in sight. Two days ago, Panliang and I decided to carry our used tray to the cleaning station, and the look of surprise, gladness and gratitude on the cleaners' faces struck me. They were not young, probably not earning a lot, possibly holding two jobs to support their families, facing callous customers who do not thank them for cleaning the tables, probably tired, and one would not describe them as brimming with life, hope or optimism. I realised that if a tiny, meaningless and effortless gesture could bring just a bit of joy and renewed faith in kindness in the world, it was worth it.
Another gripe I have is when a bus driver waits patiently for someone who is running for the bus, and when the person finally boards the bus, she heaves a sigh of relief and triumphantly takes a seat, with no sign of acknowledgement or gratitude to the bus driver. The mindset is "I caught the bus!", as if the bus was a machine-operated entity, and not "The bus driver waited patiently for me, even though I was 400m away!" I think bus drivers are often unseen, unappreciated and ignored, and I try to make it a point to smile or greet them when I board. It might be the first smile they've seen all day.
I wonder if it's a Singaporean thing. Non-Singaporeans in general seem to be more civil and (much as this word is overused in government campaigns) gracious than Singaporeans. A few years ago, I was in London and taking a bus by myself to Heathrow airport. I had a medium-sized luggage but I was confident I could handle it alone. When I boarded the bus and hoisted my luggage up the steps, it felt surprisingly light, and I turned around to find that an elderly black gentleman had, unasked, hoisted the luggage up the steps for me. Pleasantly surprised, I thanked him and proceeded up the bus, heading towards the empty seats at the back. There were men on both sides of the aisle, sitting on the outer seats with their legs wide open (why do men always sit like that?!) and their long legs blocking the aisle. As soon as they saw me coming with my luggage, they all sat properly and pulled in their legs in unison, clearing the pathway. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. It was quite a funny sight but I was impressed by their awareness and initiative. I imagine that if it was in Singapore, there would have to be a lot of shuffling and "Excuse me! Sorry! Excuse me! Excuse me please!" before one could get up a bus!
Ministor Mentor Lee Kuan Yew believes a gracious Singapore will not happen in his lifetime: "I will not see it, maybe you will live long enough to see it; I wish you well."
That probably sums up what we all believe, but if we don't like the thought of this, we can just try harder. After all, if a tiny gesture can put a smile on someone's face, then, why not?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thank you!
I am very thankful. My mum went for her 1st chemo session today. The results were tremendous. The biggest tumor on her left chest has gone down a lot and her pain is relieved. I was so happy to see her joyful face after the chemo, and after it was done, she was even dancing slightly as she felt more comfortable.
I am also thankful that the medical fees that my family needs to shoulder by ourselves is reduced by half due to Medisave, Medishield, renting out rooms, and a subsidy from the drug distributor.
Although there is still half of the amount our family needs to shoulder, this is a big testament of God working to tell me that He is in control and that He will provide.
The most touching of all, my dad, whom some of you know as always very reserved and quiet, told all of us that once he gets his CPF monies next year, he will return all that we paid as he wants to shoulder the whole medical bill. To me, this is God's answer that He will take care of the bill. More beautifully, it has drawn out the caring side of my dad which we had almost forgotten existed. This incident has drawn each and everyone of us closer and more loving to one another. You know what I see? I see how God can turn a dark, difficult situation into one that is filled with hope, light and love. I see the cross of Christ being lifted and the finished work of Christ.
Thank you God for all.
I am also thankful that the medical fees that my family needs to shoulder by ourselves is reduced by half due to Medisave, Medishield, renting out rooms, and a subsidy from the drug distributor.
Although there is still half of the amount our family needs to shoulder, this is a big testament of God working to tell me that He is in control and that He will provide.
The most touching of all, my dad, whom some of you know as always very reserved and quiet, told all of us that once he gets his CPF monies next year, he will return all that we paid as he wants to shoulder the whole medical bill. To me, this is God's answer that He will take care of the bill. More beautifully, it has drawn out the caring side of my dad which we had almost forgotten existed. This incident has drawn each and everyone of us closer and more loving to one another. You know what I see? I see how God can turn a dark, difficult situation into one that is filled with hope, light and love. I see the cross of Christ being lifted and the finished work of Christ.
Thank you God for all.
Friday, September 19, 2008
But God - Who Speaks
I feel a need to update all you kind folks who have been praying for me and Serene. This journey of mine started from February this year. In February , I felt a sense that God wants to reveal His plans to me of where He wants to place me to serve/ work for my next step.
As such, Serene and myself signed up for our church's Korea trip to find answers. Baby came and we did not go for the trip. However, I still sensed that God wants to reveal my next step to me despite not being able to go Korea.
Interestingly my worship pastor told us to pray and focus on "Who Am I" to seek what God's plans are for each of us. This was an affirmation that what I felt from God was right.
August came and I felt that my life was going to be very stretched and challenging. I was prompted by God to read the book of Job. A verse jumped out to me and remains clearly in my mind - when Job's whole body had sores all over and his wife asked him to curse God and die. Job answered, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" That really struck me because I had heard a audio program on prayer and it mentioned that many folks pray to ask God to bless their plans, health and make their life easy. Unknowingly, God has become a means/tool to fulfill their own desires. The program proposed that prayer is a time for us to put down our own wishes and align our will to God's. Perhaps God might not heal the illness or take us away from a bad situation. In times like this, I was reminded that we cannot let external circumstances dictate how we perceive God who is love. The truth is that He has given us His Son to die for us, bringing us grace and freedom. This changed my view of prayer which is to seek God and align our thoughts to His.
September came and I had to leave for Jo'burg. It was not easy for me to leave that night as Serene was sobbing badly and I could not really bear to leave her and baby. I lost my handphone on the day I was supposed to leave. My mum's tumors came back. My world seem to crumble within and around me. Felt very tired and weak to leave that night. Felt like just giving up and staying. Serene and I prayed and God told us that this trip would help to build Serene stronger and more independent to care for herself and baby. My being away would help her to draw on her inner strength to care for herself and baby. God also reminded that our love is sustained not just with having a phone to sms each other. That our love is strong enough to withstand not even being able to have modern communication means like a handphone.
I was extremely sad on my journey to Jo'burg. I was tearing on the taxi on the plane. Images of Serene tearing kept replaying in my mind and making me sad. God spoke again and told me that this trip would make my love for Him and people increase. Serving God should help us love Him and people more. I understood that on my travel to Jo'burg as I had to put aside my family to Africa, planning for projects aimed at bringing help and care to people who are suffering from HIV/ AIDs, hopelessness, crying out for help day and night. I had to learn to love them more because God loves each one of them as much as I love Serene and baby, if not more. It was a difficult lesson for me to learn and go through.
I managed to get an auto-roam prepaid card and tap "illegally" on the wifi in my service apartment in Jo'burg. I was able to talk to Serene on the phone line, skype, sms which I thought would not be possible. These might appear to be small things but it meant so much to me when I thought I had lost the basic means to sms Serene with my handphone being lost. BTW the taxi driver returned my handphone when I came back.
Africa was amazing as well, as my earlier post talked about the preacher who spoke about how we can hold on during the most difficult of times. I am really getting a sense that God does speak in real way to me.
Came back to Singapore. Had to bring my mum to get her biopsy results and have my blood test to see if my precious baby is perfectly healthy. For those who know me, I am the squeamish type who might faint at the sight of needles and blood. It was on Monday. Tuesday I had to meet my boss because he kept pressuring me to travel more as I take on a leadership role in my organisation. He also was not very happy with my team, thinking that we did not do the work he told us to do. I began this week with much fear and stress of my blood test, my mum's biopsy results and to face my boss to talk to him.
On my way to the hospital on Mon, God spoke again, saying, "If I am with you, what more is there for you to fear?" When I met my mum, I asked her what God said to her and interestingly, she said God told her "not to fear". To me, this simple thing gave my much courage to face the blood test and my mum's doctor. I was thinking of this verse and the sweet you tube video that Cheryl sent to me and Serene of this 4-year-old girl singing "Somewhere Out There". I imagined it was my baby who would be doing this and I didn't mind facing my own fear just to know that she will be well and healthy.
Last lesson for me came on Thursday where we had a workshop on managing change. Gist of training focussed on us needing to know our core value and identity so that we can face external pressure with ease. Christ knew his purpose on earth and nothing wavered him. I knew this was the journey God has started for me. On Thursday evening, my senior pastor smsed me to wished me happy birthday and told me to pray for my own destiny. He mentioned that God prompted him to tell me this and that this "shaking" period of mine would last till next year May. I was happy and also bit tired to know that. Happy as it affirms my sense that I am to really find my core identity and calling in life. Once I find this, I am sure that my boss' incessant pressure will not push me and make me stressed and make me bend to his demands.
My shaking period is still happening, now needing to care for my beloved mum and needing to be strong. I am glad I have 'but God' who has given me His presence, His words, joy and peace. What a ride!
As such, Serene and myself signed up for our church's Korea trip to find answers. Baby came and we did not go for the trip. However, I still sensed that God wants to reveal my next step to me despite not being able to go Korea.
Interestingly my worship pastor told us to pray and focus on "Who Am I" to seek what God's plans are for each of us. This was an affirmation that what I felt from God was right.
August came and I felt that my life was going to be very stretched and challenging. I was prompted by God to read the book of Job. A verse jumped out to me and remains clearly in my mind - when Job's whole body had sores all over and his wife asked him to curse God and die. Job answered, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" That really struck me because I had heard a audio program on prayer and it mentioned that many folks pray to ask God to bless their plans, health and make their life easy. Unknowingly, God has become a means/tool to fulfill their own desires. The program proposed that prayer is a time for us to put down our own wishes and align our will to God's. Perhaps God might not heal the illness or take us away from a bad situation. In times like this, I was reminded that we cannot let external circumstances dictate how we perceive God who is love. The truth is that He has given us His Son to die for us, bringing us grace and freedom. This changed my view of prayer which is to seek God and align our thoughts to His.
September came and I had to leave for Jo'burg. It was not easy for me to leave that night as Serene was sobbing badly and I could not really bear to leave her and baby. I lost my handphone on the day I was supposed to leave. My mum's tumors came back. My world seem to crumble within and around me. Felt very tired and weak to leave that night. Felt like just giving up and staying. Serene and I prayed and God told us that this trip would help to build Serene stronger and more independent to care for herself and baby. My being away would help her to draw on her inner strength to care for herself and baby. God also reminded that our love is sustained not just with having a phone to sms each other. That our love is strong enough to withstand not even being able to have modern communication means like a handphone.
I was extremely sad on my journey to Jo'burg. I was tearing on the taxi on the plane. Images of Serene tearing kept replaying in my mind and making me sad. God spoke again and told me that this trip would make my love for Him and people increase. Serving God should help us love Him and people more. I understood that on my travel to Jo'burg as I had to put aside my family to Africa, planning for projects aimed at bringing help and care to people who are suffering from HIV/ AIDs, hopelessness, crying out for help day and night. I had to learn to love them more because God loves each one of them as much as I love Serene and baby, if not more. It was a difficult lesson for me to learn and go through.
I managed to get an auto-roam prepaid card and tap "illegally" on the wifi in my service apartment in Jo'burg. I was able to talk to Serene on the phone line, skype, sms which I thought would not be possible. These might appear to be small things but it meant so much to me when I thought I had lost the basic means to sms Serene with my handphone being lost. BTW the taxi driver returned my handphone when I came back.
Africa was amazing as well, as my earlier post talked about the preacher who spoke about how we can hold on during the most difficult of times. I am really getting a sense that God does speak in real way to me.
Came back to Singapore. Had to bring my mum to get her biopsy results and have my blood test to see if my precious baby is perfectly healthy. For those who know me, I am the squeamish type who might faint at the sight of needles and blood. It was on Monday. Tuesday I had to meet my boss because he kept pressuring me to travel more as I take on a leadership role in my organisation. He also was not very happy with my team, thinking that we did not do the work he told us to do. I began this week with much fear and stress of my blood test, my mum's biopsy results and to face my boss to talk to him.
On my way to the hospital on Mon, God spoke again, saying, "If I am with you, what more is there for you to fear?" When I met my mum, I asked her what God said to her and interestingly, she said God told her "not to fear". To me, this simple thing gave my much courage to face the blood test and my mum's doctor. I was thinking of this verse and the sweet you tube video that Cheryl sent to me and Serene of this 4-year-old girl singing "Somewhere Out There". I imagined it was my baby who would be doing this and I didn't mind facing my own fear just to know that she will be well and healthy.
Last lesson for me came on Thursday where we had a workshop on managing change. Gist of training focussed on us needing to know our core value and identity so that we can face external pressure with ease. Christ knew his purpose on earth and nothing wavered him. I knew this was the journey God has started for me. On Thursday evening, my senior pastor smsed me to wished me happy birthday and told me to pray for my own destiny. He mentioned that God prompted him to tell me this and that this "shaking" period of mine would last till next year May. I was happy and also bit tired to know that. Happy as it affirms my sense that I am to really find my core identity and calling in life. Once I find this, I am sure that my boss' incessant pressure will not push me and make me stressed and make me bend to his demands.
My shaking period is still happening, now needing to care for my beloved mum and needing to be strong. I am glad I have 'but God' who has given me His presence, His words, joy and peace. What a ride!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Music and spirituality
I believe music is a language which we have to communicate with our Creator. I also believe it's a language that allows us to convey our emotions, deepest beliefs, and our character with other fellow human beings.
This is one of the reasons why I love Jazz. It's a universal language that allows us to communicate things which words are not able to.
Another of my favourite pieces in which the wailing of the sax seems to convey to me the player's desire to connect with God and yearning for His presence:
This is one of the reasons why I love Jazz. It's a universal language that allows us to communicate things which words are not able to.
Another of my favourite pieces in which the wailing of the sax seems to convey to me the player's desire to connect with God and yearning for His presence:
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Nice people
Someone gave up his seat for the train today. A non-chinese man, of course. So far, the only strangers who have given way to me and my little bump have been non-chinese. Perhaps Chinese people are more afraid of causing offence in case the lady turns out not to be pregnant!
I am still really grateful and touched each time it happens. Until recently, I have never known what it was like to feel heavy, nauseated, tired, have a headache, aching shoulders, and walk on swollen feet - into a crowded train at Raffles Place MRT and watch with exhausted dismay all the orange seats rapidly being filled up. Mine is just a mini bump but it still is very uncomfortable to stand for long periods of time on feet that are pretending to be puffer fish.
I've taken to choosing longer travel routes where I'm more likely to get seats. I've had to stand the whole journey on the bus to and from Orchard and Upper Thomson on several occasions, and that left me exhausted and with an aching bump after that. Just the thought of going through that is enough to justify all the cab rides in the world!
Before Panliang left for South Africa, I was a bit apprehensive about how I would cope with baby by myself. It's not too bad when baby's still inside me, but I started to think about what would happen if Panliang was away and baby was ill and crying, and if I was unwell too and overcome with exhaustion with no one to turn to for help...
When I was down with the flu, I told God that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope by myself and that there would be no one to help or look after me. And I heard a gentle voice that was not my own which told me - There will always be someone to take care of you. Somehow, I was comforted, strengthened and filled with joy and a sense of peace, and I knew inside that it would be alright.
And these few days, I have met with nothing but kindness. My family has been loving and supportive, buying food for me, doing things for me and spending time with me. My friends have been absolutely lovely, showing lots of concern, encouraging me, bringing me shopping, to church, helping me carry things, giving me lifts, killing cockroaches for me, and generally helping me to realise that there are people out there who love and care, and that I don't have to be superwoman and do everything by myself.
I was originally prepared to do everything myself, to move, carry, do, buy, make, clean, fix, whatever - even if it meant using up every ounce of strength and energy I had. This pregnancy has changed all that. I suddenly can't do all these things as well and as fast as I could previously. I'm suddenly not as strong, flexible, agile, and energetic as I was, and I have to depend on God and the kindness of others. It's very humbling, but at the same time, very uplifting to be the unworthy recipient of so much kindness. To all of you who have blessed our lives - Thank You.
I am still really grateful and touched each time it happens. Until recently, I have never known what it was like to feel heavy, nauseated, tired, have a headache, aching shoulders, and walk on swollen feet - into a crowded train at Raffles Place MRT and watch with exhausted dismay all the orange seats rapidly being filled up. Mine is just a mini bump but it still is very uncomfortable to stand for long periods of time on feet that are pretending to be puffer fish.
I've taken to choosing longer travel routes where I'm more likely to get seats. I've had to stand the whole journey on the bus to and from Orchard and Upper Thomson on several occasions, and that left me exhausted and with an aching bump after that. Just the thought of going through that is enough to justify all the cab rides in the world!
Before Panliang left for South Africa, I was a bit apprehensive about how I would cope with baby by myself. It's not too bad when baby's still inside me, but I started to think about what would happen if Panliang was away and baby was ill and crying, and if I was unwell too and overcome with exhaustion with no one to turn to for help...
When I was down with the flu, I told God that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope by myself and that there would be no one to help or look after me. And I heard a gentle voice that was not my own which told me - There will always be someone to take care of you. Somehow, I was comforted, strengthened and filled with joy and a sense of peace, and I knew inside that it would be alright.
And these few days, I have met with nothing but kindness. My family has been loving and supportive, buying food for me, doing things for me and spending time with me. My friends have been absolutely lovely, showing lots of concern, encouraging me, bringing me shopping, to church, helping me carry things, giving me lifts, killing cockroaches for me, and generally helping me to realise that there are people out there who love and care, and that I don't have to be superwoman and do everything by myself.
I was originally prepared to do everything myself, to move, carry, do, buy, make, clean, fix, whatever - even if it meant using up every ounce of strength and energy I had. This pregnancy has changed all that. I suddenly can't do all these things as well and as fast as I could previously. I'm suddenly not as strong, flexible, agile, and energetic as I was, and I have to depend on God and the kindness of others. It's very humbling, but at the same time, very uplifting to be the unworthy recipient of so much kindness. To all of you who have blessed our lives - Thank You.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
But God.
Went to a South African church today. It was more like a western-style church with drums and contemporary music.
Was reminded today of the mission that Christ had when he came to earth almost 2000 years ago. His was a mission where he went down, and down and down and took all our sins. Very different when you think that today, we need to go up and be the very top.
In church, there's a sense that everyone has some sort of trial or affliction. Not hard to imagine when you live in the most dangerous city in the world where almost everyone had been robbed at least once.
Good thing the pastor did not try to offer any answer or solution as to why some very bad things happen to good people. Guess it happens regardless if you are a believer or not.
One thing he said that made sense to me is that through it all, the trials and afflictions, there is but God. Am still chewing on this in my mind. I am sure it was difficult for Jesus before he was crucified. We saw how he struggled greatly in the garden of Gethsemane. God was with Him and eventually, something so wrong and terrible like crucifixion could become a symbol of great hope for people today.
Was reminded today of the mission that Christ had when he came to earth almost 2000 years ago. His was a mission where he went down, and down and down and took all our sins. Very different when you think that today, we need to go up and be the very top.
In church, there's a sense that everyone has some sort of trial or affliction. Not hard to imagine when you live in the most dangerous city in the world where almost everyone had been robbed at least once.
Good thing the pastor did not try to offer any answer or solution as to why some very bad things happen to good people. Guess it happens regardless if you are a believer or not.
One thing he said that made sense to me is that through it all, the trials and afflictions, there is but God. Am still chewing on this in my mind. I am sure it was difficult for Jesus before he was crucified. We saw how he struggled greatly in the garden of Gethsemane. God was with Him and eventually, something so wrong and terrible like crucifixion could become a symbol of great hope for people today.
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