How much can you tell from a 31 week scan?

Our little girl is shy! We tried on a few occasions to get an ultrasound scan of her face but she kept looking away and wouldn't have her picture taken! Last week she finally relented - somewhat - and presented her left cheek to us! With her arms folded casually behind her head, she looked like she was chilling out!

What amazed me more than the scan was Panliang's excited reaction. From the fuzzy images and the 10 or so minutes of scanning, he was able to infer (with great confidence and certainty!) the following:

1) Baby has his eyes, eyebrows and lips
2) Baby has my nose
3) Baby is astute

I was (and still am!) baffled by him but I'm really glad and thankful that he's so involved and as excited, if not more excited about this pregnancy than I am. He loves to touch and watch my bump jump about. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed , relishing the feeling of Baby moving inside me, Panliang gets really excited and comes over demanding, "What is she doing now? What is she doing? Tell me! Don't just lie there smiling to yourself! Tell me!" He's started reading up more about babies, doing research, making phone calls and appointments, and he's even volunteered to arrange the furniture and rooms for Baby! It's very heartening to have his support and it helps me to enjoy being pregnant.

Baby Things!

We finally bought the essential baby stuff 2 weeks ago. Before that we were a bit stressed that baby was coming and we hadn't bought her cot, car seat, etc.

We managed to find a chance to go to Baby Kingdom and got the major items we needed.

Here are some of the things we bought:

I love the cot, animal bed sheet and bean pillow with "Mr Octopus" on it. Yes I will teach baby Arielle that that is "Mr Octopus" and also teach her the names of the animals on the bed sheet. Will also tell her that Daddy and Mama see all the creatures on the pillow when we dive and that we can bring her diving too one day! Maybe can start from snorkelling.

I love to enter the baby room with the cot now. Seeing the cot and smelling the fresh wood brings warmth to my heart because I know that baby is coming and she will feel snugged and loved in her new room.

In the next few weeks, when I am clearing leave at home, I will arrange her playroom and bedroom! :)

Baby Likes Bach!

She started moving and bouncing vigorously when iTunes started playing Bach, and I watched in awe and shock as my bump bounced up and down, in and out, and from left to right, and it felt like my insides were being tumble-dried in a washing machine! Sometimes it's hard for me to sleep at night even though I'm really tired - especially when Mambo Night's going full swing in my bump. Nowadays, my conversations are punctuated with occasional starts and winces as I get poked and punched painfully mid-conversation! But I love it. I'm so happy to be pregnant. My feet are swollen and I haven't seen my ankles for weeks, but I love having a baby inside me, and knowing that she's dancing and doing funky stuff. I'm really excited for her to come out, but I like her being inside me too. I'm looking forward to seeing and holding her, but I know that it's much easier when she's safe in my bump with no choice but to go wherever I go! I occasionally look wistfully at all the skinny girls around me, yet I love what pregnancy has done to my body, and I think it's glorious to be growing bigger every day.

Right now, Baby is dancing to Dvorak's Humoreske. She is such a cutie.

Men who do more housework have better sex lives

For the married woman, housework is foreplay!

He who has ears, let him hear!

The Chore Wars

Before having children, most couples find it easier to maintain a neat house and to keep bickering about unmade beds at bay. But having kids means having more clutter to clear, loads of laundry to do, and more meals to make, and it's moms who bear most of the burden: Working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and the care of the children, according to a recent time-use survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Not surprisingly, the housework gender gap is a common source of friction: A recent BabyCenter survey of more than 12,000 readers revealed that 63 percent of couples with children at home argue over cleaning. And nearly half of respondents say they resent having to do more housework, cooking, and laundry than their mates.

Not only do dust bunnies lead to marital dustups, but the responsibility for housework can also have harmful effects on women's health. A study by sociologist Chloe E. Bird published in the March 1999 issue of Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that women who do twice as much housework as their spouses have greater anxiety, depression, and worry. The least depressed people in Bird's study, both male and female, were those who split household duties down the middle.

Are men slackers?

If women are clearly doing more around the house, what are men doing? Guys don't appear to be totally slacking: American men in dual-income families handle a third of shopping and meal preparation. Men do roughly 15 percent of the laundry, and while that may not entitle them to bragging rights, it's an improvement over the measly 2 to 5 percent they did back in 1970. And men today are more involved parents: One in four preschoolers with working moms are watched by their fathers. "In general, men try to compare their contributions to their fathers, and compared they look very good, doing four or five times more than their fathers did," says sociologist Scott Coltrane, author of Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework and Gender Equity.

According to several studies, men with a higher education are more likely to pick up and pitch in. Coltrane suggests that more educated men may be more likely to put women on equal footing and assume a balanced role in the household. Interestingly, research also shows men who delay fathering children until their late 20s or early 30s, move away from the neighborhood they grew up in, and have less frequent contact with their parents, or who have been divorced and remarried, are more likely to do housework. Coltrane points out that these men have had to fend for themselves, so it makes sense that they'd continue to help out.

Still, "compared to their wives and partners, men do a lot less," says Coltrane. He points to a range of explanations for the battle of the sexes on the chore front — from cultural expectations about gender roles, to a greater emphasis on a husband's career if he's the primary breadwinner, to some women's difficulty delegating work. Practically speaking, though, the broom stops with whomever spends more time at home, says Coltrane, and that's usually Mom.

Psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, suggests that men's resistance to housework may start in childhood. From an early age, men are preoccupied with power and status (just look at any boy playing with an action-figure hero), and they may assert their independence by refusing to do something they've been asked to do. And while men feel they look pretty good compared with their fathers, they fail to factor in that their wives are also doing a lot more than their own mothers did, notes Coleman.

Men who do dishes do better in the bedroom

If only men knew what they were missing: Men who do more housework have better sex lives and happier marriages, according to a study by John Gottman, a psychologist who for more than three decades has been researching why relationships succeed or fail. Further research by Gottman suggests that harmony over housework may also yield happier children. His findings reveal that men who do housework frequently have kids who do better socially and academically.

Nine ways to get your partner to do his fair share >>> Full article


Source: babycentre.com

And if all fails... we can wait for this service to be available locally:

Save Your Home, Get 'Husband For Rent'

:D :D :D

One of my favourite TV shows is "Life Transformers" (Mondays, 8pm, Channel 8) where Quan Yi Fong, Christopher Lee and a group of volunteers help under-privileged households in Singapore. It took just one episode of Christopher Lee cleaning, carrying, painting, and the clincher - scrubbing a filthy toilet floor on his hands and knees - to make all the married women in my office (myself included) fall in love with him!

Forget the tuxedo, cuff links and pressed shirts. A toned, sweaty man deeply focused on scrubbing the floor is the new perfect man!

What if Starbucks marketed like the church?

I find this video hilarious because it reflects so much of the church culture in US and Singapore. I think we all have had our fair share of this experience :)

So what do you all think - would you frequent this Starbucks outlet?

"Coffee for Thought" :)

What if Starbucks marketed like the church? - A Parable

More Bump Pictures - week 23/29

Here are some more pictures of Serene and our cute bump.

I like the pictures of Darcy with Serene. We were reminded that Darcy is part of our family when he came with us. I like what Serene said last night, "Our family of three is expanding with baby joining us :)".

I am looking forward to tomorrow when the baby cot, baby mattress, pillows, and baby car seat we bought on Sunday will be delivered. My heart fills with joy when I think about getting ready for baby to join us. There is also a sense of fuzziness imagining baby sleeping in the cot with the cute animal bed sheet and her sitting in her safe car seat! :)

Serene's bump

It's amazing to see how baby grows when we go for each ultrasound. Equally fantastic is seeing how Serene's bump grows and baby moving within the bump, and being able to see and feel her movements.

I am enjoying this new life a great deal, and seeing how she turns and moves. Lately she's been moving a lot and she even kicks Serene pretty hard. The thought of this makes my heart go warm and fuzzy. It's like baby is already here with us, just that we have yet to see her face.

I am posting pics below to let you all see how Serene's bump has been changing:


Even Darcy is eagerly expecting baby's arrival!

Is this a Sign?

We've been racking our brains, praying and scouring baby names websites for the longest time, and we didn't seem to make much progress in finding a name we both liked and which fitted our criteria. We shortlisted a few but we weren't completely satisfied with any of them.

Ariel - lion of God
Arielle - lion of God
Alyssa - noble, rational
Emma - universal, all-embracing
Emily - industrious, hardworking

After months of mulling, we were leaning towards Arielle - we like the meaning, it sounds sweet and feminine, and it's not too common. But would we pronounce it as AIR-ee-ell, ARR-ee-elle, or air-ee-ELLE? If we went with ARR-ee-elle or air-ee-ELLE, would it sound too pretentious? Would she be teased in school and called a little mermaid? Or a sans serif font?

A few nights ago, while surfing the net aimlessly, we decided to try out a Baby Name Advisor which analyses the parents' names and meanings and then generates a baby name. We were stunned.


Could it be a coincidence? What were the odds? Was it a sign? We decided it must be. :D

Now came the Chinese / Dialect name question. Would we go with my family's very helpful suggestions of:

Ho Lim
Ho Jiak
Ho Kua
Ho Kun
Ho Sei
OR......... Ho Sanna?

So far, we quite like 何爱蕾 hé ài lěi (爱 = love, 蕾 = bud). That would make her a loving and blossoming lion of God!

The mulling continues... we have 82 more days!

Little Hiccups!

The cutest thing happened this morning as I was lying in bed refusing to wake up. I felt Baby hiccuping for the first time! Normally the taps, thumps, kicks, prods, pokes and rolls are completely random and I never know when, where or how the next one might be, but this time, it lasted a few minutes and my tummy was jumping at the same place and at regular intervals! It's really thrilling to feel her moving inside me. She's started moving a lot more lately. She used to just prod and poke occasionally, but now I feel her rolling around, moving up and down and doing all sort of acrobatics. Sometimes I watch in amazement as my tummy develops a life and personality of its own. It's like those round curtain changing rooms, where you see all sorts of funny shapes and movements when someone is changing inside. Or like Darcy when we put him in a doggy bag and the funny shapes we see when he stretches or pushes against the sides of the bag!

I'm really excited. Baby is now 28 weeks old, is the size of a chinese cabbage, has eye lashes, can hiccup and suck her fingers!

Men more amorous towards ladies in red

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - If a woman wants to drive the men wild, she might want to dress in red.

Men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other color, U.S. researchers said Tuesday.

The study led by psychology professor Andrew Elliot of the University of Rochester in Rochester, New York, seemed to confirm red as the color of romance -- as so many Valentine's Day card makers and lipstick sellers have believed for years.

Although this "red alert" may be a product of human society associating red with love for eons, it also may arise from more primitive biological roots, Elliot said.

Noting the genetic similarity of humans to higher primates, he said scientists have shown that certain male primates are especially attracted to females of their species displaying red. For example, female baboons and chimpanzees show red coloring when nearing ovulation, sending a sexual signal that the males apparently find irresistible.

"It could be this very deep, biologically based automatic tendency to respond to red as an attraction cue given our evolutionary heritage," Elliot, whose findings appear in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, said in a telephone interview.

The study involved more than 100 men, mostly college undergraduates, who were shown pictures of women and asked to rate how pretty they were, how much the men would like to kiss them and how much the men would like to have sex with them.

Men were shown a woman, with some of the pictures bordered in red and some bordered in white, gray or green. Even though it was the same picture of the same woman, when she was framed in red the men rated her as more attractive than when she was bordered by another color.

Men were then shown photographs of a woman that were identical except that the researchers digitally made her shirt red in some versions or blue in others. And once again, the men strongly favored the woman in red.

The men also were asked, "Imagine that you are going on a date with this person and have $100 in your wallet. How much money would you be willing to spend on your date?" When she was clad in red, the men said they would spend more money on her.

The researchers noted that the color red did not alter how men rated the women in the photographs in terms of likeability, intelligence or kindness -- only attractiveness.

The researchers then had a group of young women rate whether the pictured woman was pretty. Red had no impact on whether women rated other women as pretty, they found.

Gay men and color blind men were excluded from the study.

Source: Reuters

I wonder how one's cultural background might affect the results. Are Chinese men immune to the colour red, or are they as likely to be excited compared to their Malay and Indian counterparts? Does that mean that every Chinese New Year heralds a spike in intimacy? Or perhaps the tedious house-to-house visiting of relatives functions as an insidious form of birth control to kill off any amorous thoughts generated by the red festivities.

As you have probably gathered I am not a huge fan of Chinese New Year, but I can't wait for the upcoming one, because it means that Baby will be out soon after! :D :D :D

The Little Red Jazz

We bit the bullet and bought a 1.5 year-old red Honda Jazz 1.4A on 11 October 2008!

Transmission: Auto
Engine cap: 1339 cc
Reg date: 09-Jan-2007
Mileage: 22,800 km
Features: Airbag (Driver & Passenger), ABS, Auto Retractable Side Mirrors and Indicator, Knockdown rear seats.
Accessories: Sports Rims, Leather Seats, CD Player, Reverse Sensors, Solar Films, Bodykit.


It's quite a nifty little car and mercifully small for un-confident parkers! I needed an emergency parking lesson from Elaine and Hans on Sunday afternoon, after I spent 15 minutes trying to park at church! My parking has greatly improved and I can now park in less than 2 minutes! :D I am full of admiration for people who can reverse park in between 2 cars in 1 go! My parking is getting better by the day and my (very ambitious!) dream is to be able to park in between 2 cars. Till then, I can only go to places with ample parking lots!

Having a car has really made things a lot easier for us. We don't feel so tired at the end of each day, and we can now do lots of things in the evenings, like spend more time with both sets of parents (in one evening!), drop by places to pick up food/groceries, drop by my mum's to bring her dinner when she's too tired to go out, bring Darcy out with us in the evenings (so he won't be alone at home)... All this without having to walk up and down to and from bus stops (on puffer-fish feet, no less!), spend lots of time waiting for buses, lug lots of things everywhere we go, or plead unsuccessfully with doggy-phobic taxi-drivers!

Are we too privileged to be kind?

Taking public transport has become something I now approach with a level of apprehension and uncertainty. I never know whether I might spend the entire journey standing, or whether I might meet with kindness from a stranger. I'm now big enough not to be mistaken for a skinny lady who's had a heavy lunch, but I have had enough experiences standing in front of rows of people pretending to be asleep or engrossed in their newspaper/PSP/mobile phone. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see through them - the sleeping people occasionally peek out but quickly shut their eyes when they see me still standing in front of them. Quite often, they wake up after I leave or after someone else gives me a seat! That's one of the reasons why I want a car!

I have encountered a number of kind people who have offered me their seat. Each time it happens, I thank them and thank God for them, and say a little prayer that they too may experience the same kindness that they have shown. What is most interesting is that the ones who give up seats aren't often the young, able-bodied and privileged majority. More often than not, they are the minorities, the Indians, Filipinos, middle-aged men, and most surprisingly, older Chinese aunties who could be in their 50s or even 60s. It's the young, Chinese men and women in their 20s and 30s who seem to be the most oblivious. But having said that, there was a sweet-faced Chinese lady who let me have her seat on a crowded bus, and after I got off, my mum and I both waved a thank-you-good-bye at her from the bus stop, and she look quite shy!

My highly un-detailed and academically un-rigorous research on the demographic of seat-giving-up people has led me to conclude that empathy and kindness are inextricably linked. Older aunties and married men who might have an inkling of the pregnancy experience are most likely to empathise. Perhaps minorities and foreigners who know what it's like to be in a difficult situation are more likely to look out for people who might need help. Anne-Marie noticed the same thing in London - that it was usually the Asians, Chinese and foreigners who would offer her seats on the train. The phenomenon is old news - it was observed 2000 years ago:

25 And now a lawyer stood up and, to test him, asked, 'Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?' 26 He said to him, 'What is written in the Law? What is your reading of it?' 27 He replied, 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself.' 28 Jesus said to him, 'You have answered right, do this and life is yours.' 29 But the man was anxious to justify himself and said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbour?'

30 In answer Jesus said, 'A man was once on his way down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell into the hands of bandits; they stripped him, beat him and then made off, leaving him half dead. 31 Now a priest happened to be travelling down the same road, but when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 In the same way a Levite who came to the place saw him, and passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan traveller who came on him was moved with compassion when he saw him. 34 He went up to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them. He then lifted him onto his own mount and took him to an inn and looked after him. 35 Next day, he took out two denarii and handed them to the innkeeper and said, "Look after him, and on my way back I will make good any extra expense you have." 36 Which of these three, do you think, proved himself a neighbour to the man who fell into the bandits' hands?' 37 He replied, 'The one who showed pity towards him.' Jesus said to him, 'Go, and do the same yourself.'

Gospel of Luke 10:25–37

The privileged looked on, but it took a man from Samaria, a race despised by the Jews, to go out of his way to help the wounded man. It is counter intuitive that the privileged, who have more resources to spare, would be less willing to help another.

Sometimes, when I am standing up in front of a whole row of seated young women who are sleeping/reading/chatting and generally avoiding eye contact with me, I tell myself that they might be facing some unknown and unseen difficulty. Perhaps one has terrible period cramps, another might be having the flu, another might have sprained her ankle, and another might be exhausted from a difficult day, and perhaps I might be the most strong and able-bodied of the lot!

It helps me put things into perspective and feel less cynical about human nature, but deep down inside I do feel a bit sad about this. I don't want Baby to grow up in such an environment and with such a worldview. I want to be able to teach her empathy and kindness and awareness. But before I can do that, I must first become a better person. Nothing prepares you for parenthood - there are no courses, curriculum, or tuition classes. Most people just learn on the job. My prayer is that God will guide Panliang and I to be loving, humble and nurturing parents. Perhaps this awareness is the first step.

We tried it the other day. I must confess that I am among those who do not usually clear food bowls and trays after a meal at food courts or hawker centres, especially if there are cleaners in sight. Two days ago, Panliang and I decided to carry our used tray to the cleaning station, and the look of surprise, gladness and gratitude on the cleaners' faces struck me. They were not young, probably not earning a lot, possibly holding two jobs to support their families, facing callous customers who do not thank them for cleaning the tables, probably tired, and one would not describe them as brimming with life, hope or optimism. I realised that if a tiny, meaningless and effortless gesture could bring just a bit of joy and renewed faith in kindness in the world, it was worth it.

Another gripe I have is when a bus driver waits patiently for someone who is running for the bus, and when the person finally boards the bus, she heaves a sigh of relief and triumphantly takes a seat, with no sign of acknowledgement or gratitude to the bus driver. The mindset is "I caught the bus!", as if the bus was a machine-operated entity, and not "The bus driver waited patiently for me, even though I was 400m away!" I think bus drivers are often unseen, unappreciated and ignored, and I try to make it a point to smile or greet them when I board. It might be the first smile they've seen all day.

I wonder if it's a Singaporean thing. Non-Singaporeans in general seem to be more civil and (much as this word is overused in government campaigns) gracious than Singaporeans. A few years ago, I was in London and taking a bus by myself to Heathrow airport. I had a medium-sized luggage but I was confident I could handle it alone. When I boarded the bus and hoisted my luggage up the steps, it felt surprisingly light, and I turned around to find that an elderly black gentleman had, unasked, hoisted the luggage up the steps for me. Pleasantly surprised, I thanked him and proceeded up the bus, heading towards the empty seats at the back. There were men on both sides of the aisle, sitting on the outer seats with their legs wide open (why do men always sit like that?!) and their long legs blocking the aisle. As soon as they saw me coming with my luggage, they all sat properly and pulled in their legs in unison, clearing the pathway. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. It was quite a funny sight but I was impressed by their awareness and initiative. I imagine that if it was in Singapore, there would have to be a lot of shuffling and "Excuse me! Sorry! Excuse me! Excuse me please!" before one could get up a bus!

Ministor Mentor Lee Kuan Yew believes a gracious Singapore will not happen in his lifetime: "I will not see it, maybe you will live long enough to see it; I wish you well."

That probably sums up what we all believe, but if we don't like the thought of this, we can just try harder. After all, if a tiny gesture can put a smile on someone's face, then, why not?

Car?

We are currently considering if we should get a used car to ferry the family from point to point, especially when Baby is out. We are praying that we will be wise on the choice of the car.

After nights of surfing online, test-driving and visiting used cars dealers, we are down to 2 choices:

Honda Jazz (1.4A Hatchback)

+ very smooth ride
+ great handling
+ excellent fuel efficiency (15-18km/litre)
+ easy to drive and park
+ great design that makes us melt
+ funky features like auto retractable side mirrors, side mirror indicators, seats that can fold down and fold up
+ easy to sell and good resale value
- back seats are bit narrower than a sedan
- smaller boot compared to a sedan
- costs 10K more than the Cerato



Kia Cerato (1.6A Sedan)

+ smooth, comfortable, well-cushioned ride
+ more spacious
+ sedan boot
+ 10k cheaper than a Jazz!
- poor fuel efficiency (11-13km/litre)
- higher road tax
- a bit noisy, you can hear the engine
- not so nice design
- hard to sell and poor resale value. A handful of people said it's almost not possible to sell.


We are now praying, thinking and talking to people to make a better decison.

Baby at 20 weeks

This is a late post. It should have been up a week ago. That was when we did a detailed 20 week scan for baby. Been too busy to sit down and post this.

I am so thankful to know after the scan that baby and Serene are both well and happy. Also, its 98% confirmed that we are expecting a daughter. Hehe, Serene and myself are quite happy to know we will be having a baby girl whom we can bring everywhere! However, I am most thankful that all the organs of baby are forming well! We are looking forward to the day the little one can join us when she is out.

From the scan, I can tell with some accuracy that she has Serene's chin and my lips. Serene said I was talking nonsense but when baby is out, we shall see who is right. :)

I am also certain baby's soul is already here with us. There are times when I talk to her and I can sense her laughter and her answering me. I have also a sense that she will be like Serene and myself, full of questions about things around her.

Here are some pics for you folks to judge if what I said is true:

Thank you!

I am very thankful. My mum went for her 1st chemo session today. The results were tremendous. The biggest tumor on her left chest has gone down a lot and her pain is relieved. I was so happy to see her joyful face after the chemo, and after it was done, she was even dancing slightly as she felt more comfortable.

I am also thankful that the medical fees that my family needs to shoulder by ourselves is reduced by half due to Medisave, Medishield, renting out rooms, and a subsidy from the drug distributor.

Although there is still half of the amount our family needs to shoulder, this is a big testament of God working to tell me that He is in control and that He will provide.

The most touching of all, my dad, whom some of you know as always very reserved and quiet, told all of us that once he gets his CPF monies next year, he will return all that we paid as he wants to shoulder the whole medical bill. To me, this is God's answer that He will take care of the bill. More beautifully, it has drawn out the caring side of my dad which we had almost forgotten existed. This incident has drawn each and everyone of us closer and more loving to one another. You know what I see? I see how God can turn a dark, difficult situation into one that is filled with hope, light and love. I see the cross of Christ being lifted and the finished work of Christ.

Thank you God for all.

Is cuteness intrinsic?

One of the big differences between Panliang and I is that (if you haven't already noticed) I have a great love for all sorts of animals, with the exception of lizards, cockroaches and nasty bugs. When I was 5 or 6, I used to comb through encyclopedias and read up about pets and wildlife; I love animal documentaries; I'm happy to get up close and personal with animals like snakes and stray dogs that most people would keep a mile from; and I nearly became an animal show presenter at the zoo (but the pay would hardly sustain our mortgage) !

As for Panliang, if I may quote his best man Yunjian's speech at our wedding, "he basically doesn't like anything furrier than him." Not cats, dogs, hamsters, nothing. But somehow, Darcy managed to convert him. Just before we got together, Panliang came over one evening to watch a movie, and Darcy promptly snuggled up to him and fell asleep on his lap. That impressed me no end. Since then, Panliang has been a furry animal convert, but one mammal he still abhors is the rat, and he absolutely can't understand why I get excited and try to look closer whenever we see one.

I found this really cute picture of a mummy and baby otter. The picture always makes me laugh and recall a conversation with Panliang that has been etched it my memory ever since.


Serene: (clicking open the picture on the computer screen) Don't you think this is cute?

Panliang stares silently at the screen for some time.

Panliang: (suspiciously, with a hint of disgust, never taking his eyes of the screen) Is it a RAT?

Serene: Of course not! It's an otter!

Panliang: (greatly relieved) Oh ok. Then it's cute.

Serene: (incredulously) You mean if I said it was a rat, it wouldn't be cute?

Panliang: Yes.

Serene: Isn't cuteness intrinsic? If it's cute, it's cute, whether or not it's a rat!

Panliang: No. If it was it was a rat, it won't be cute. But it's not a rat, so it's cute.

* * * * *

Perhaps cuteness is psychologically determined and not intrinsic to the object. The Beijing Olympics little girl is cute until you find out she's a fake. Stray cats are cute until your parents tell you they're dirty. People are normal until they become your boyfriend or girlfriend, after which, they become cute. Should the relationship fail, they lose their Cute Status, and what was once cute now annoys.

Perhaps the same logic applies to parents and babies. Objectively speaking, newborn infants are not at their most attractive (this web link is not for the faint-hearted). They are often dark, wrinkly and have scrunched-up eyes, but somehow they awaken lots of little love hearts in their parents. To the casual observer, all baby ultrasound scans look the same, and perhaps some might say that all Chinese babies look the same at birth, but I have no doubt Panliang and I will find Baby the cutest creature we have ever seen, even if we don't feel the same way about other newborn babies. She'll be cute just because she's our baby.

Tummy Flutterings

I felt baby for the first time yesterday. I was at my first pre-natal yoga session and as I lay still to relax, I felt something strange in my bump, like a big bubble rolling around. I was so stunned and excited I kept very still, hoping to feel it again - so I missed everything the instructor said for the next few minutes! And last night, as I lay in bed, I felt someone tapping my bump - from inside! Panliang and I were having a rather sombre conversation when the tapping started. Panliang got so excited he forgot everything he was saying and pressed his ear to my bump. He couldn't hear anything so he pressed his hand to my bump and was really thrilled when he felt the taps! Little taps, here and there, and we never knew when or where the next one would be. It really brought home the fact that there really is a little munchkin inside me with a life and will of her own, swimming around and doing as she pleases!

It's getting harder to move around and do things, but I'm really starting to enjoy this pregnancy. The nausea has subsided, I can see and feel my bump getting bigger. Being pregnant also shows me a different side of human nature. More people smile or stare at me more, hawkers are more accommodating to bizarre food requests, people look more mortified when they bump into me, and best of all, more people on the train pretend to be asleep when they see me!

But God - Who Speaks

I feel a need to update all you kind folks who have been praying for me and Serene. This journey of mine started from February this year. In February , I felt a sense that God wants to reveal His plans to me of where He wants to place me to serve/ work for my next step.

As such, Serene and myself signed up for our church's Korea trip to find answers. Baby came and we did not go for the trip. However, I still sensed that God wants to reveal my next step to me despite not being able to go Korea.

Interestingly my worship pastor told us to pray and focus on "Who Am I" to seek what God's plans are for each of us. This was an affirmation that what I felt from God was right.

August came and I felt that my life was going to be very stretched and challenging. I was prompted by God to read the book of Job. A verse jumped out to me and remains clearly in my mind - when Job's whole body had sores all over and his wife asked him to curse God and die. Job answered, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" That really struck me because I had heard a audio program on prayer and it mentioned that many folks pray to ask God to bless their plans, health and make their life easy. Unknowingly, God has become a means/tool to fulfill their own desires. The program proposed that prayer is a time for us to put down our own wishes and align our will to God's. Perhaps God might not heal the illness or take us away from a bad situation. In times like this, I was reminded that we cannot let external circumstances dictate how we perceive God who is love. The truth is that He has given us His Son to die for us, bringing us grace and freedom. This changed my view of prayer which is to seek God and align our thoughts to His.

September came and I had to leave for Jo'burg. It was not easy for me to leave that night as Serene was sobbing badly and I could not really bear to leave her and baby. I lost my handphone on the day I was supposed to leave. My mum's tumors came back. My world seem to crumble within and around me. Felt very tired and weak to leave that night. Felt like just giving up and staying. Serene and I prayed and God told us that this trip would help to build Serene stronger and more independent to care for herself and baby. My being away would help her to draw on her inner strength to care for herself and baby. God also reminded that our love is sustained not just with having a phone to sms each other. That our love is strong enough to withstand not even being able to have modern communication means like a handphone.

I was extremely sad on my journey to Jo'burg. I was tearing on the taxi on the plane. Images of Serene tearing kept replaying in my mind and making me sad. God spoke again and told me that this trip would make my love for Him and people increase. Serving God should help us love Him and people more. I understood that on my travel to Jo'burg as I had to put aside my family to Africa, planning for projects aimed at bringing help and care to people who are suffering from HIV/ AIDs, hopelessness, crying out for help day and night. I had to learn to love them more because God loves each one of them as much as I love Serene and baby, if not more. It was a difficult lesson for me to learn and go through.

I managed to get an auto-roam prepaid card and tap "illegally" on the wifi in my service apartment in Jo'burg. I was able to talk to Serene on the phone line, skype, sms which I thought would not be possible. These might appear to be small things but it meant so much to me when I thought I had lost the basic means to sms Serene with my handphone being lost. BTW the taxi driver returned my handphone when I came back.

Africa was amazing as well, as my earlier post talked about the preacher who spoke about how we can hold on during the most difficult of times. I am really getting a sense that God does speak in real way to me.

Came back to Singapore. Had to bring my mum to get her biopsy results and have my blood test to see if my precious baby is perfectly healthy. For those who know me, I am the squeamish type who might faint at the sight of needles and blood. It was on Monday. Tuesday I had to meet my boss because he kept pressuring me to travel more as I take on a leadership role in my organisation. He also was not very happy with my team, thinking that we did not do the work he told us to do. I began this week with much fear and stress of my blood test, my mum's biopsy results and to face my boss to talk to him.

On my way to the hospital on Mon, God spoke again, saying, "If I am with you, what more is there for you to fear?" When I met my mum, I asked her what God said to her and interestingly, she said God told her "not to fear". To me, this simple thing gave my much courage to face the blood test and my mum's doctor. I was thinking of this verse and the sweet you tube video that Cheryl sent to me and Serene of this 4-year-old girl singing "Somewhere Out There". I imagined it was my baby who would be doing this and I didn't mind facing my own fear just to know that she will be well and healthy.

Last lesson for me came on Thursday where we had a workshop on managing change. Gist of training focussed on us needing to know our core value and identity so that we can face external pressure with ease. Christ knew his purpose on earth and nothing wavered him. I knew this was the journey God has started for me. On Thursday evening, my senior pastor smsed me to wished me happy birthday and told me to pray for my own destiny. He mentioned that God prompted him to tell me this and that this "shaking" period of mine would last till next year May. I was happy and also bit tired to know that. Happy as it affirms my sense that I am to really find my core identity and calling in life. Once I find this, I am sure that my boss' incessant pressure will not push me and make me stressed and make me bend to his demands.

My shaking period is still happening, now needing to care for my beloved mum and needing to be strong. I am glad I have 'but God' who has given me His presence, His words, joy and peace. What a ride!

Names and Nasty Parents

In our hunt for a nice baby name, we've come across some weird names (and weirder parents).

A judge in New Zealand made a young girl a ward of court so that she could change the name she hated - Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.

Judge Rob Murfitt said that the name embarrassed the nine-year-old and could expose her to teasing.

He attacked a trend of giving children bizarre names, citing several examples.

Officials had blocked Sex Fruit, Keenan Got Lucy and Yeah Detroit, he said, but Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence and Midnight Chardonnay had been allowed.

One mother wanted to name her child O.crnia using text language, but was later persuaded to use Oceania, he said.

'Social handicap'

The ruling, in the city of New Plymouth on the North Island, was handed down in February but only made public now.

The name issue emerged during a custody hearing for the young girl - who had refused to tell her friends her name and went simply by "K".

Source: BBC

I can't imagine what these parents were thinking. There was another lady (who obviously never read the Bible) who wrote in a forum that she named her daughter Jezebel because she liked the sound of it. It's like naming your child Cruella D'Vil or Hitler Ho. Closer to home, there's a toddler somewhere in Singapore who's first name is Ninjaturtle. Yes, Ninjaturtle is one word.

There are lots of things to consider when choosing a name:

• Meaning
• How it sounds - feminine / masculine / sweet / harsh
• Famous personalities associated with it (Beyonce Ho?!)
  
• Whether the grandparents can pronounce it (Believe it or not, many Chinese-speaking people can't pronounce "Serene". I've been called "XueLing", "Selene", and "Sally Pong"!)
  
• How likely it is to be mis-pronounced by strangers
  
• How it sounds in Singlish ("Elizabeth" is a beautiful name but "Ee-lee-zher-berf" isn't!)
  
• Whether it sounds like a rude English / Chinese /Hokkien phrase (We considered "Emma" till we realised that "Emma Ho" sounds a lot like "I'm a 'ho")
  
• Whether it will result in bullying / teasing (Heidi Ho!)
  
• Whether the initials spell something silly (H.O. Ho)
  
• What her future business email might look like! (oho@company.com)
• Whether she can find herself easily when she Googles her name! :)
  

On top of all that, choosing a unique and cute name may actually give your child an advantage. So you have to find something slightly weird, but not too weird.

Children who have been given strange names by their celebrity parents tend to do better in life.

New research suggests that odd names such as Princess Tiaamii or Peaches can be an advantage.

Certain sounds in a name or links with royalty can make people seem more successful, lucky or attractive, according to psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman.

His team polled more than 6,000 people to determine their perception of certain names, as part of a study to launch Edinburgh International Science Festival.

People called James and Elizabeth are seen as the most successful, Jack and Lucy the luckiest and Sophie and Ryan the most attractive.

But Lisa and Brian are the most likely to fail, Helen and John are the unluckiest and Ann and George are the least attractive.

Mr Wiseman said: "Traditional names with royal associations are viewed as highly successful and intelligent.

"Attractive female names tended to be soft-sounding and end with the 'ee' sound, whereas the sexiest males names are short and much harder sounding."

Source: Sky News

After looking through thousands of names, the one Panliang and I like best is "Arielle". It means Lion of God and it sounds gentle and feminine. The only concerns are that it might be TOO feminine, that it might be mispronounced, or worse, that she might be teased about whether her brother's name is Times New Roman or Wingdings!

Happy Birthday Panliang!

I just want to say thank you for being so loving and supportive, especially during these pregnancy months. I know it's not easy, juggling your work, travel, parents, saxaphone, and family, not to mention having to hunt cockroaches every now and then, but I think you're doing a great job. I must be one of the luckiest girls alive to have married you. *hug*

Dog Saves Owner By Dialling 911

A dog whose owner was having a seizure saved his life by calling the emergency services and barking down the line to raise the alarm.

Joe Stalnaker adopted German shepherd Buddy as an eight-week-puppy and trained him to use the phone if he began to have an attack.

Mr Stalnaker, of Scottsdale, Arizona, has suffered seizures for ten years after suffering a head injury during a military training exercise.

So when he got into difficulties, Buddy knew exactly what to do - hit the speed-dial button on the phone for 911.

On the tape of his call, he can be heard whimpering and barking after the operator answers and repeatedly asks if the caller needs help.

Police were sent to Mr Stalnaker's home, and after about three minutes Buddy can be heard barking loudly when the officers arrived.

Sergeant Mark Clark, of Scottsdale police, said Mr Stalnaker spent two days in a hospital and recovered from the seizure.

"It's pretty incredible," Sgt Clark said.

"Even the veteran dispatchers - they haven't heard of anything like this."

Mr Stalnaker's address is flagged in the force's computer system with a notification that a trained dog might call 911 when the owner was incapacitated.

Sgt Clark said Buddy has made two other 911 calls when Mr Stalnaker was having seizures.

Source: Sky News

I wonder if we could train Darcy to change nappies and sing lullabies to baby? And if he has extra time, he could vacuum the floor too.

25 Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy

They say pregnancy is a life-changing experience. It is. It's not just the bump, cravings and nausea. There are so many things I never knew about, and each time something strange happens, I google the symptom to make sure I'm normal!

1. Your hearing improves. Sounds that never bothered you before (like the hum of a neighbour's air con) keep you awake at night.
2. Your sense of smell improves.
3. You get really good at throwing up, and the colour depends on what you've recently eaten (Cherries - red. Brownies - black. Peaches - white. If you haven't eaten anything, you get bile which is the most bitter and yucky thing ever).
4. Your feet get swollen if you sit or stand for too long. (growing uterus may compress a major vena cava vein, leading to decreased blood return from the lower limbs to the heart).
5. You need to pee more often.
6. A violent sneeze or cough could cause a leak!
7. You have to wear your seat belt below your abdomen.
8. The light brown bits of you (like moles) become darker.
9. Fine hairs start growing on your tummy. Some women get a darkened line running from the belly button to the pubic bone (linea nigra).
10. Your cup size gets an upgrade.
11. Your breasts get tender and more sensitive (a light brush with a towel can really hurt!)
12. You have a permanent cold (Rhinitis: due to hormonal changes and increased blood flow to the mucous membranes).
13. Swollen and sensitive gums (due to hormones and increased blood flow).
14. Your digestion slows down.
15. You have to consume lots of fruits and liquids to avoid constipation.
16. You get heartburn (also known as acid indigestion or acid reflux) - a burning sensation in your chest, which sometimes goes up your throat.
17. Hunger pangs come on suddenly and strongly. You wake up in the middle of the night, starving.
18. You get tired easily.
19. You get backaches.
20. You get occasional sharp pains around your bump as your ligaments and muscles begin to stretch to accommodate your growing uterus.
21. Headaches are more common.
22. You get vivid, crazy and disturbing dreams at night.
23. You're more weepy. You cry over tiny things, like bad dreams.
24. You get more forgetful and absent-minded.
    
    And the clincher:
    
    
25. Your husband gets pregnancy symptoms too! There's even a term for it - Couvade: a male who experiences symptoms of pregnancy like indigestion, nausea, headaches, cravings, vivid dreams, in sympathy for his wife.
    
    

Music and spirituality

I believe music is a language which we have to communicate with our Creator. I also believe it's a language that allows us to convey our emotions, deepest beliefs, and our character with other fellow human beings.

This is one of the reasons why I love Jazz. It's a universal language that allows us to communicate things which words are not able to.

Another of my favourite pieces in which the wailing of the sax seems to convey to me the player's desire to connect with God and yearning for His presence:

Dexter Gordon

I love this you tube clip from this jazz movie called "Round Midnight". It features my favourite sax player, Dexter Gordon.

His phrasing is great, improv melodious, tells a story, his tone full, bright, big, rich and focused.

Enjoy his playing of a ballad here in a short clip from the movie!

Going home

It's with much joy and excitement that I am writing this. Whenever I am travelling, the happiest moment for me is to have my luggage checked in and the boarding pass in my hand.

Travelling always helps me appreciate Singapore so much more: the safety, convenience, food and of course my precious Serene, baby and saxophone!

In an hour's time, I will be leaving for the Tambo International airport and I will reach Singapore at 540am on Thurs, Sept 11th.

Here are some pics of the service apartment I stayed in whilst in Jo'burg:

Goat News

At least there is justice in the world - the innocent captives are set free!

DR Congo frees goats from prison

A minister in DR Congo has ordered a Kinshasa jail to release a dozen goats, which he said they were being held there illegally.

Deputy Justice Minister Claude Nyamugabo said he found the goats just in time during a routine jail visit.

The beasts were due to appear in court, charged with being sold illegally by the roadside.

The minister said many police had serious gaps in their knowledge and they would be sent for retraining.

Mr Nyamugabo was conducting a routine visit to the prison when, he said, he was astonished to discover not only humans, but a herd of goats crammed into a prison cell in the capital.

He has blamed the police for the incident.

It is not clear what will happen to their owners of the goats, who have also been imprisoned.

BBC Africa analyst Mary Harper says that given the grim state of prisons in Congo, the goats will doubtless be relieved about being spared a trial.

There was no word on what their punishment would have been, had they been found guilty.

Source: BBC

Other goats in the news:

LA city officials hire goats

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

Sudan's famous goat 'wife' dies

Nice people

Someone gave up his seat for the train today. A non-chinese man, of course. So far, the only strangers who have given way to me and my little bump have been non-chinese. Perhaps Chinese people are more afraid of causing offence in case the lady turns out not to be pregnant!

I am still really grateful and touched each time it happens. Until recently, I have never known what it was like to feel heavy, nauseated, tired, have a headache, aching shoulders, and walk on swollen feet - into a crowded train at Raffles Place MRT and watch with exhausted dismay all the orange seats rapidly being filled up. Mine is just a mini bump but it still is very uncomfortable to stand for long periods of time on feet that are pretending to be puffer fish.

I've taken to choosing longer travel routes where I'm more likely to get seats. I've had to stand the whole journey on the bus to and from Orchard and Upper Thomson on several occasions, and that left me exhausted and with an aching bump after that. Just the thought of going through that is enough to justify all the cab rides in the world!

Before Panliang left for South Africa, I was a bit apprehensive about how I would cope with baby by myself. It's not too bad when baby's still inside me, but I started to think about what would happen if Panliang was away and baby was ill and crying, and if I was unwell too and overcome with exhaustion with no one to turn to for help...

When I was down with the flu, I told God that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope by myself and that there would be no one to help or look after me. And I heard a gentle voice that was not my own which told me - There will always be someone to take care of you. Somehow, I was comforted, strengthened and filled with joy and a sense of peace, and I knew inside that it would be alright.

And these few days, I have met with nothing but kindness. My family has been loving and supportive, buying food for me, doing things for me and spending time with me. My friends have been absolutely lovely, showing lots of concern, encouraging me, bringing me shopping, to church, helping me carry things, giving me lifts, killing cockroaches for me, and generally helping me to realise that there are people out there who love and care, and that I don't have to be superwoman and do everything by myself.

I was originally prepared to do everything myself, to move, carry, do, buy, make, clean, fix, whatever - even if it meant using up every ounce of strength and energy I had. This pregnancy has changed all that. I suddenly can't do all these things as well and as fast as I could previously. I'm suddenly not as strong, flexible, agile, and energetic as I was, and I have to depend on God and the kindness of others. It's very humbling, but at the same time, very uplifting to be the unworthy recipient of so much kindness. To all of you who have blessed our lives - Thank You.

Baby at 16 weeks

I am taking a lunch break now. We are now in the final phase of the meetings.

I am missing family and home a lot and this trip seems to be too long for good.

I looked through the photos of baby at 16 weeks that Serene sent me and felt a flutter of warmth course through my heart. I love the picture of her hand, it's almost like she is reaching out and wanting to hold our hands.

I look at the side profile of the baby and find her fabulously cute and gorgeous.

The meeting is starting and I need to pretend that I am paying attention :)

Why blog?

I am surprised at myself for constantly wanting to blog when I am alone overseas. It's very difficult for me to publish a post when I am back in Singapore, you can ask Serene :)

Perhaps, in times of solitude when you are faced with your thoughts, you have a big desire to share them with people. Telling them where you are, what you see. This is definitely the relational aspect of people, wanting to communicate and connect.

So happy to hear that Serene's tummy is getting bigger each day. Can't wait to go back to see it and touch it. Thank God that baby is growing each day! :)

But God.

Went to a South African church today. It was more like a western-style church with drums and contemporary music.

Was reminded today of the mission that Christ had when he came to earth almost 2000 years ago. His was a mission where he went down, and down and down and took all our sins. Very different when you think that today, we need to go up and be the very top.

In church, there's a sense that everyone has some sort of trial or affliction. Not hard to imagine when you live in the most dangerous city in the world where almost everyone had been robbed at least once.

Good thing the pastor did not try to offer any answer or solution as to why some very bad things happen to good people. Guess it happens regardless if you are a believer or not.

One thing he said that made sense to me is that through it all, the trials and afflictions, there is but God. Am still chewing on this in my mind. I am sure it was difficult for Jesus before he was crucified. We saw how he struggled greatly in the garden of Gethsemane. God was with Him and eventually, something so wrong and terrible like crucifixion could become a symbol of great hope for people today.

Safari tour in Johannesburg

My colleagues took us to the safari today. It was a great trip.

Never before in my life have I had such a close encounter with lions, tigers, leopards and cheetahs. It was an excellent trip.

For the lions and lioness, there were no fences or big drains (like those you find in the Singapore zoo) between you and the predators. It's only the car doors that provide security. We wound down the windows and took some great shots.

While all these were great and nice, how I wished Serene and my baby girl were here with me. I have a growing sense that I want to explain and teach things to my baby girl, holding her hand and Serene's, bringing them wherever I go.

I am so thankful that I have the phone, sms, skype, blog and email to keep in touch with Serene. Technology is wonderful! Most of all, I am thankful to God for bonding Serene and I with His Love and Spirit. The cord of 3 strands is indeed wonderful and amazing.

Here are some pics for you (Serene and Baby) and of course you buddies to enjoy:

Late night memories

Greetings from chilly Johannesburg!

It's currently 3pm and I am having a break from my meetings.

I started missing my family especially Serene, Baby and Darcy the moment I got into the taxi to the airport. I actually missed the times I woke up in the wee hours of the morning when Serene was terribly hungry or suffering from a bad cough. Those memories were sweet especially when Darcy helped to kill a cockroach. Saved me from my fear!

There was another time we actually ordered Mac's breakfast at 4am!!! Boy, I enjoyed my sausage macmuffin with egg while watching some saxophone you tube videos :)

Tomorrow, we are going to the safari to see rhinoceroses and lions. Good break from day-long meetings!

Korean Beef, Anyone?

Photo taken with Panliang's permission.

Mouthwatering beef steak at your local food court. Very popular with the ladies.