I never thought looking after a baby would be more tiring than a full-time job! I have come to accept eye bags as inevitable, and in company, if I can keep my eyes open without effort, I consider myself well-rested!
My freedom can be divided into 3 categories:
1) Both hands free
When Arielle is sleeping in her cot or someone else is tending to her, I grab the chance to satisfy my lowest physiological needs on Maslow's hierarchy: Eat, Sleep, Shower, Pee, Poo. This is very precious time!
2) One Hand Free
When I'm nursing Arielle or rocking her to sleep, my one available hand is just about able to turn a page, toggle a mouse briefly or type a text message!
3) No Hands free
When Arielle demands to be cuddled or bounced with BOTH hands, there's nothing much else I can do other than walk around the house with her and ponder the meaning of life!
Not surprisingly, this entry took four days to complete - during my lunch breaks and in between nursing baby - one day to copy the photos from my camera, another day to shortlist the nice ones, and two days to type in text (typing requires both hands and such time slots are hard to come by)!
Last night was really hard. I nursed Arielle from 11.30pm to 12.10am, burped her, changed her diapers, rocked her to sleep, and finally put her in bed at 12.30am. I was quite pleased with myself and naively thought I could get some rest after that.
A few minutes later, she regurgitated some milk and it leaked onto the bed. Not wanting her to sleep on a damp patch of not-so-fresh milk, I tried to wipe it up and shift her to a dryer patch. That was my own undoing - she woke up and it took another 20 minutes of bouncing and cuddling till she slept again.
She then slept for a grand total of 10 minutes.
This time, Panliang woke up and tried to soothe her. Many songs, diaper changes and frazzled nerves later, she was still fretful and her little eyes were wide open. By this time it was 2am, sort of time for her next feed. I was thinking very unchristian (and unmotherly!) thoughts, but I took many deep breaths and attempted what I thought would be the final lap.
Feeling somewhat like a cow, I nursed her again. She fell asleep after drinking from SIDE A , so I attempted to tuck her into bed, when to my dismay, I found that her diapers had come loose, probably during the diaper checking / changing frenzy earlier, and her pee had leaked everywhere - onto her clothes, her blanket, the bed sheets... My wails awoke Panliang and our confinement helper and they cleaned her up and changed her clothes while I collapsed in bed.
By then, little Arielle had woken up again.. so not knowing what else to do, I gave her SIDE B, and mercifully, she fell asleep mid-meal (a habit that I hope will not continue into adulthood) and allowed herself to be tucked in. My clothes were soaked (I had received several unscheduled and unwanted milk baths) and I had to change before going to bed. It was 3am.
It's strange, but despite having been up all night, when I looked at her little bright eyes and cute little stretches while nursing her at 8am the next morning, (babies' body clocks can be quite unmerciful!) my tiredness and frustrations melted away, and I just wanted to cuddle and kiss her all over. I am typing this while having lunch and after this, I shall head off to bed - for as long as she will let me!
I suppose that is why babies are cute - it is an evolutionary survival mechanism to ensure that frustrated and sleep-deprived parents still look after of their offspring. It is the Survival of the Cutest.
